September 30, 2003

lou and rain's guest book

Lou and Rain have been so nice as to let me stay in their house for the last couple of days. They fed me and bathed me and cut my hair like Jim Carrey in "Dumb and Dumber." I feel like a dog at Christmas being forced to get his picture taken in a little doggy sweater. You know; humiliated. So they had me sign their guestbook this morning and this is what I wrote in it: (I just wanted to share it with you guys on the world wide web)

Dear Lou and Rain,

Just a couple of quick things.

1. I am disgusted by the fact that Lou acts like he's Mr Philadelphia yet he doesn't have any Del Phonics or Chi-Lites or Sylistics in his insipid "little" record collection

2. The pictures I took of me wearing Rain's lingerie will be posted on the White House website as soon as I figure out how to hack into their computer using your IP address.

3. I don't want anyone else to EVER stay in MY room. I am going to be your troubled son who never went away to college and never moved out. My shipments of bleach and ephedrine should be arriving soon and I will be starting up my meth lab post haste.

4. Oh & Lou, by the way....I secretly made out with your brother at your wedding brunch. I'm telling your Mother.

5. I found out where you guys keep your cash and I have transferred the funds into my account. From now on, I will be your "money manager".

6A. I signed that expensive picture on the wall of that guy with the big black glasses "Buddie Holly Oct 2003". It should be worth a lot you got that going for you which is nice.

6B. Can you guys please start parking on the street? I need the whole driveway and garage for my little drug lab.

7. How do I get added to your health insurance policy?

8. Please water my marijuana plants in your backyard by your neighbor's house. I just planted them yesterday.

9. Do you mind if I get a couple of Rottweillers to guard my drugs? And STAY AWAY from MY rifle and handgun collection. I stashed it in an undisclosed location somewhere in your humble abode.

10.. I only had 10 chances to say I love you.

Gracias y amour

Steven "house sitter" Poltz

PS: I ordered 23 copies of my CD off of my website using your credit card from a receipt that I found crumbled up in the trash can of your bathroom. Thanks for supporting independent music, you idiots!

Posted by steve at September 30, 2003 9:35 AM


It's about time you got a haircut, ya frickin' hippie!
I hope your antics don't get Lou & Rain raided by the DEA before their show.
See you this weekend at Dana's.

Posted by: soon to be shorn at September 30, 2003 9:48 AM

someone marry that man before I try to legalize same sex polygamy legal in CA so I can do it myself...hahahahah

Posted by: devon at September 30, 2003 9:58 AM

note to self: editing is it in the future

Posted by: devon at September 30, 2003 9:59 AM

why have i not been invited to sign lou and rain's guest book??? just for that, i plan to take a piss on steve's plants when i'm there for the show.

Posted by: karl at September 30, 2003 10:18 AM

Dear Steve,

Thank you for your generous offer of letting me and my band buddies (The Terminators) stay at Lou and Rain's house for our upcoming East Coast "Guns & Drugs" tour. Their credit card was very helpful when I booked our first class tickets too! (I love first class, you rule) Please leave a few of the guns and about a pound of meth on the kitchen table. (if there's any charge, just put it on that same card) Oh yeah, tell Lou and Rain thanks also, because I guess they helped too!

Posted by: Lokster at October 1, 2003 3:05 PM

available now!
Chinese Vacation
available now!
check out some tracks here
Digital Video Disc
Live at the Basement
Sydney, Australia

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