November 18, 2003

stupid dirty van

Good Lord! I am so glad to be off the road and out of that stupid van. 25,617 miles later I am finally sitting on my couch clipping my toenails and and stabbing sharp needles into my eyes. So much has happened since my last entry about Elliott Smith. I was too tired to write or check email. Too tired to help an injured bird I hit on the highway. Too tired to even listen to music. What??? NO music? Yes it is true. My new passion is now history. I just listen to books on tape and eat frito pie at truckstops and smoke used ciggarette butts that I dig out of old ashtrays outside of Waffle Houses. I am never going on the road again. What started out as a cute little game of lets see how far I drive, has finally grown old. From now on I am only going to do shows at old folks homes in San Diego within a 12 mile radius. I can discuss History with the old timers and drink nothing stronger than Ensure out of a can.

some of the highlights and low lights since I last wrote
1. North Carolina and the smoky mountains. The leaves were changing and the rolling hills seemed to go forever with Autumn colors that would give even Hitler or The Grinch goosebumps. Boiled peanuts so salty and spicy that seveal bottles of Yoo Hoo were consumed by this wayward traveller. The owner of the club I played was a sweet hippie vegan who quit eating meat after he crashed his car late one night while eating a Big Mac. He said the patty of meat stuck to his windshield ans his car flipped over as if it was mocking him. He told me later over a couple of beers that he went back to crash site and thanked the tree he hit for saving his life. I asked him if he hugged the tree and he confirmed this. I really want to hug my couch and never leave it.

2. All of the cool peeps that travelled to see me numerous times. Some of the shows were sparsely attended and others were filled. It never seemed to matter because each show seemed to have its own personality.

3. The two flat tires I got 2 days in a row in Arizona. Don't you people sweep the nails off of your streets? The show Iplayed in Phoenix was a blast. It turned into a History lesson. From the Revolutionary War to the Louisiana Purchase.

4. Speaking of Louisiana... What the hell was in that stuff they gave me to drink? Absinthe?? Doesn't that crap make you crazy? The food. Ohhhh the food. I love the Ferdis special Poboy at Mothers with debris cher. Oh the etouffee and the shrimp and crawfish and gumbo and blackened alligator. Speaking of alligator... I still don't know how we ended up in the bayou outisde of Baton Rouge in a boat having swampwater drinks in a bar that turned out to be the kkk headquarters. The owner of the bar was holding a live alligator that snapped at me and almost ended my guitar career. I was glad to get out of there alive.

5. Thanks to all of the peeps that hosted shows in their living rooms. I am sorry I went through your drawers and stole your socks.

6. I don't know why I even brought a suitcase. I never changed my clothes at all. I hate clothes. I propose a new law that outlaws clothes.

sorry for the delay in writing. can you say "burned out?"

thanks for always being my friends and giving me cookies and milk.

go see the movie "Elf." It made me cry like I was 8.

peace ooot!

steveroni with angel maroni

Posted by steve at November 18, 2003 4:42 PM


I say -- fuck you old man! ;)
Relax and enjoy your home and the warmth of the sweet embrace I'm sure you're basking in right now.

When your ADD reappears (in about 2.5 days) we'll still be here. Sorry aboot the south.


Posted by: ms p at November 18, 2003 7:02 PM

Dude! Are you in Will Ferrell's pocket or what? First you're talking up "Old School", and now this?! Seriously... there has to be a 12-step program for that. :p

Posted by: Leavin' on a jet plane at November 18, 2003 8:18 PM

Dear Steve,

I didn't mean to pressure you to get off the couch. I'm glad you are relaxing and practicing good hygiene skills with your feet, afterall, they are most important!
I liked your tour outfit! It was funnier that you did have other clothes, but you just didn't care!! It was really easy to pick you out in a crowd.

I miss you, but I miss Answering Machine V2.0 more... can I have one yet?


Posted by: Carence at November 19, 2003 7:28 AM

jeez polio...i leave you in baton rouge in front of the compooter looking at porn (or was it msnbc?? i don't know) at 8 in the mornin' and all that happend? shit man, you need a bodyguard or somethin'. by the way, i still have luigi's bag. guess i'll give it to him at thanksgiving...gobblegobblegobble.

Posted by: merchbitch at November 19, 2003 11:14 AM

by the way, is it ok that i sold all those autographed cd's for gas money?? i got like 12 bucks a piece. one guy woulda given me more, but some asswipe drew all over the back of the cd cover... idiot!

Posted by: kevi's houseguest at November 19, 2003 11:16 AM


That bag better be filled with polio goodies or NO TURKEY FOR you!!

Posted by: lou (of Rain fame) at November 19, 2003 12:10 PM

welcome home steve! now quit yer bitchin' and get a haircut, sheesh you look awful! :)

glad to know that the road has killed yer need to roam, so once you've given the old pholks a few heart attacks please christen java joes/ kellys pub.

~ash :)

Posted by: ash at November 19, 2003 2:14 PM

When's your butt getting to British shores??!!

Elf was awesome. Gave me a whole new perspective on the various ways to eat spaghetti

Posted by: Pandora at November 23, 2003 12:01 PM

available now!
Chinese Vacation
available now!
check out some tracks here
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