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November 30, 2003

i belong in the kitchen...barefoot

Yesterday I made a batch of turkey soup with my leftovers and all I can think of is how bad I want to go to cooking school. I love being in the kitchen left to my own devices. Music is cool and all but I feel the need to move to Paris and delve into the culinary world. It was fun serving up the traditional Thanksgiving dinner and just as fun the next night making soup. I can spend all day in the kitchen and I am happy as a fish in a martini glass. Speaking of martinis, I prefer mine shaken not stirred with a small raindrop of vermouth coating my chilled glass and the finest gin your horses can carry. Make it Boodles British gin my dear. Two olives please and one onion. Stuff my olives with impotred bleu cheese while you're at it governor. (He said "stuff my olives.")

I would be a vegetarian but i just can't seem to give up bacon wrapped hotdogs. As my favorite food critic, Calvin Trillon says: "health food makes me sick."

I will begin researching cooking schools this week. I hope to see you in Santa Barbara this wed. Or in sunny San Diego on Thursday night. Both shows are with A.J Croce and I am very excited. Lets have a toast and shoot our ak 47's at the stars and rub our barefeet in the astroturf while looking through old cookbooks and magazines from the 50's.

Goodbye music. Hello kitchen.
Herman Munster sure was bitchin.
I'd rather steam than boil a veggie.
Elton John's real name is Reggie.
Tamales are a Christmas treat.
Your liver needs the juice of a beet.
Ozzie Osbourne bit a bat.
In China they will eat a cat.
Hannibal liked to eat sweetbreads.
Eat a blowfish and you could be dead.
Foie gras makes the rich folks twitter.
The English love their beer real bitter.
I love Neil Young and his lady.
I love my food to taste homemadey.
I lurf music it is bitchin.
But I'd rather be barefoot in the kitchen.

Chef boy R Poltzy

Posted by steve at November 30, 2003 6:56 PM

Comments

Speaking of AK47s... I wanna see the drug bust picture, dammit! :)
Umm... that last part? Is that a deleted scene from the Mike Myers 'Cat in the Hat' movie or somethin'? I heard that movie sucked donkey balls like a Tijuana showgirl.

Posted by: AntiChristmas at November 30, 2003 7:17 PM

I think someone had better warn all the cooking schools of your penchant for setting ovens on fire before they accept your application!

Posted by: Fire Marshall NotBill at November 30, 2003 7:19 PM

Dear Swedish Chef,
Bork Bork Bork.

We got a new stove.
:p

Posted by: Ms. P at December 1, 2003 4:27 AM

:)

Posted by: Roggie Baer Elm at December 1, 2003 1:27 PM

Can you come and cook for me when you come back to Australia Steve? I promise you can have free rein of the kitchen and a bottle of gin WILL be on hand at all times!! Pretty please with a cherry on top?!!!

P.S I've decided you are a mad b****rd... and I love ya all the more for it!!

Posted by: Bilby at December 1, 2003 7:21 PM

Yeah you should move to Paris !!! I am looking for an appartement there right now. we can be roomies :-) i'll teach you how to cook, and you'll cook for me :-)

Posted by: Emilie at December 2, 2003 6:21 AM

vegetarians are lame! it's over.

meat for everyone!

Posted by: mitchell f. cumsteen at December 2, 2003 11:47 AM

Mitch!

:(

I'm siccing PETA on yer ass. I suppose now you'll turn in your kewl Pabst and UPS wear for fur and leather.

I'm in mourning,
Queen Bitch

Posted by: Appalled in VA at December 2, 2003 4:55 PM

I like cheese with my wine
I like spinach dip, how divine
I love navel shots, oh how sweet
to put my mouth on fresh meat
turkey soup, casserole, goulash
and pie....leftover turkey...the apple of my eye...
Rum, rum, sample the rum, kinda like cum, cum, sample the cum..doooh
Now what could be better than Steve Poltz in my kitchen?
Eddie Vedder naked left to me and my devices....(um she said devices) how bitchin!!

Love ya Steve and once again, thanks a million......by the way, it's fuckin cold in indiana!!! see ya in sunny cali on New Years Eve!!

Tiffs-lyrics-r-sweet

Posted by: Tiff at December 3, 2003 6:45 AM

Why are you coming to santa barbara during my finals week, can you please do a show in santa barbara in like two weeks?

Posted by: amber at December 3, 2003 9:24 AM

Best 5 months of my life was head cook at a dude ranch in Colorado, 40 miles from a small town, power run on a generator from 6am-11 pm, after that, pure darkness and stars. Solitude but with people around if you wanted them. Amazing time in the kitchen cooking. Try it, anywhere, even if you make it a daily habit at home, with friends, or working.

Checked you out on the web because saw you sing with Jewel about 10 years ago and didn't know who you were. Just found out, didn't I?

Posted by: Memory Layne at December 3, 2003 7:31 PM

best of both worlds..except no 'real' hot dogs or bacon:

http://www.naturalgourmetschool.com/

Posted by: jeska at December 6, 2003 8:32 PM

you know..... you may be on to something.... Greg Norton from Husker Du turned out to be one hell of a Chef

Posted by: carrie clue at January 3, 2004 8:46 PM


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