February 12, 2004

how much does a t cost?


I should have a temper tantrum. Would Axl Rose have put up with this? What if he showed up to his gig and the sign said Axl Ros? Would he charge them extra for the lack of an e? What would Ghandi do? Even he would have thrown a sandal at the promoter's head. Axl, Justin, Janet, and 50 Cent wouldn't put up with this kind of crap. 50 would pop a cap in their asses. What did I do? I meekly walked into the club and said "Hi I'm Steve. I think you guys spelled my name wrong."
The Bartender looked at me disinterested and said " we're out of t's. We can't afford anymore."
I must ask all of you. How much does a t cost? At what price must a powerful nation of ours kowtow to the demands of the t sellers? We are being held hostage ladies and germs and I demand a recall. We need more national security. I am starting an ad hoc committee (whatever that means) and starting a peoples army. We will not stop until there are more t's. I can't go on like this. People are laughing at me. I am nothing but a second rate performer at this juncture of the game. My name is Steve Poltz. NOT POLZ! Polz rhymes with rolls and coals. I am not a hot buttered bun and I refuse to be labeled as one. I bet the next thing that will happen is the newspapers will start billing me as; Hot Buttered Bun appearing tonight in our lounge with special guest, Butter. I urge you to please boycott or girlcott (girlcott sounds sexier) all the clubs that are starting to bill me as Hot Buttered Bun. Quit coming to the shows. (wait--then I'll be broke) O.K. don't quit coming to the shows. I need to go take a time out. My panties are getting ruffled. I'm going to go sit in the corner.

Steven Hot Buttered Bun Poltz (I'm starting to get used to it)

Posted by steve at February 12, 2004 4:35 PM


I'm only still having dificulty with the illegal immigrant Junkies around this area at the ideology of time.

Posted by: David Belushnikov at February 12, 2004 5:52 PM

Safey Saferson says "it looks like Lou is saying "don't t's me""

Posted by: t at February 12, 2004 5:53 PM

Hey...who is that cute boy standing next to you?????? I want him.

Posted by: rain at February 12, 2004 5:54 PM

They want to think they tricked me like everyone doesn't love something closer to them in realville reality future or past difference; I've done and sold illegal narcotics in my younger more inexperiencial life I have lived through but not without recording in a way I could understand for them. For Them; but this is stupid the way these sort of abusers of reality use's dumb, way worse than they could know after thinking they figured it out. Help things if you really can, if they won't let you without threat that's real but not true...fugge it's retarded...what would you expect me to do?

Posted by: Max Belushko at February 12, 2004 6:01 PM

hey...You owe me .065 cents everytime someone sees this page. How dare you not give me credit for posing with you?

Posted by: Lou at February 12, 2004 6:58 PM

um... steve... I don't know about you.. but Lou looks kinda suspicious in that photo... he almost looks happy about the missing T.

and your pose is quite um.. what's the word? ... not that there is anything wrong with that. It's a cute picture.

The club (or lou) could have at least left a space where the T should be.

I would have put a picture of Mr. T inbetween the L and the Z, cause you don't get much cooler than Mr. T.

love you Lou!

Posted by: carence at February 12, 2004 10:28 PM


Keep them with you in case of emergency

Posted by: generous donor at February 13, 2004 3:51 AM

Maybe they coulda used the 't' from your first name and called you Seve Poltz, in honor of the spanish golfer, Seve Ballesteros - ollay!!

Posted by: Vince at February 13, 2004 4:03 AM


Posted by: Mr. T at February 13, 2004 4:50 AM

I mean no(t) (t)o minimize your ou(t)rage
S(t)even, however I personally find (t)he missing (s) a(t) (t)he end of 50 cen(t)(S) much more offensive.

(T)his reminds me of a book on my nigh(t)s(t)and -- Ella Minnow Pea: A Progressively Lipogramma(t)ic Epis(t)olary Fable by Mark Dunn . In (t)his
(t)ale (t)he governing council decrees (t)ha(t) as each le(tt)er falls from a
s(t)a(t)ue honoring (t)he man who crea(t)ed (t)he panagram '(t)he quick brown fox jumps over (t)he lazy dog' , i(t) mus(t) be ex(t)irpa(t)ed from bo(t)h spoken and wri(tt)en language.

Unfor(t)una(t)ely I haven'(t) read said book ye(t) as I've become side(t)racked reading a highly en(t)ertaining book en(t)i(t)led McCar(t)hy's Pub by Pe(t)er McCar(t)hy.

(T)ha(t) was really hard (t)o (t)ype so I'll shu(t) off now.

Luff you Polz.

Posted by: grammatika at February 13, 2004 5:53 AM

It looks like it's all downhill from here.

Posted by: jerky jerkofferson at February 13, 2004 7:12 AM

but there is a t. over to the left. has no one noticed this? in the word w_th (which has no i). I'd call them to voice my complaints and undying support, but my phone has no 7. by the way, it's weird that you said that about the ad hoc committee and not knowing what ad hoc means, 'cause there's this band that has that as a lyric to one of their songs. they're called the rugburns. you should check them out, sir bun. I think you'd like them. except maybe the singer. your personalities might clash a bit...

Posted by: swetsastonic at February 13, 2004 8:03 AM

I think I might still have some connections in that department... I could get you a couple of spare Ts to carry around in your back pocket for occasions such as this.

Posted by: Robert Letterman at February 13, 2004 8:34 AM

Long, long ago, them Beans threw the teas in the sea,
so, ever since, Indie penance has not come for free:
Ball games lost at zero hours,
lost in traffic jams at all others,
and nary a cup of tea to toss back.
Instead, they drink a pint of brew,
triple bock,
as you should too,
to forget your worries, and your flurries.
Be thankful you are as free as a stem cell.

Posted by: Lil Lord Font-Boy Leroy at February 13, 2004 10:24 AM

Actually, Axl's name was originally "Axel" (or possibly "Axle") until G'n'R played that very same venue.

See ya bring the chicks, I'll bring the Pez.

Posted by: Rev. Spankalot at February 13, 2004 5:02 PM

...or maybe it was "Alex".


Posted by: Rev. Spankalot at February 13, 2004 5:04 PM

You see I actually have no reason to prove these things about the people who live over my head...but possibly without the better future; While I was recovering from such strategically necessary seeming exhaustion in order to have a life I could depend on they were rampaging my mind for all possible interestingly related concepts...and now have threatened my family's well being naming Joseph Batista as someone Igor should not have in state, meanshile corrupting the very true nature of my international discoveries and translatability to correcting any malformations I could get to before time of too much later. So they bug me that much more than would seem necessary...and then ask me to thank them for being so nice as to umm...something they convince thmeselves is reality...or even stronger than anyone else or themself...formerly have appologized for not knowing weather or not to be sorry if that I am a Jediac Shulchoid or telling commandingly me to sit down with great threat of coca or similar withdrawels telling neighbors I would be watching Emmanuella or affraid of Carlos necessarily in the right using my full name with threat and or warning like don't look a gift hoarse in the mouth an expression used for anything and everything of them dealing with anyone else or other fearfull exclamations that have sent the little person I think a boy next door into a tazzy about other person''s bizzaar what weird beliefs can do I tell you to their humanity...or human condition and understanding of any and all comprehensive matters. That strike too much fear into people on perpous and think that they are strong or tougher for it. Or the guys would think so I guess, not too romantic though. Happy 14th of JAnuary huh? best day to O.D. maybe...make sure it doesn't melt the plastic. anyhowever...they would never know and neither would I if they weren't down in my business or up to farr too much non-gooder than before if they knew what that would becamed. Buggs me but I'll do all I can to carry on with my intelligence even if I didn't have anything they never doesn't make up for a decision making process and emotional stability no matter what with lack of threat or condemnation that includes such threat or the effects there of beyond any reasonable understanding or contemplation...but not without comprehension and unltimate reform. The End Maxus Christopher god damn they won't give me a doctor again...he just hasn't called back in two months...I need my stabalized Autonomous system just as you do...and legal aid...please!!!!???*!!!!!!!<<Please? this hurts me and probably you all too if not just somewhat...but I can't help that reallywithout force of threat involved Thank you.

Posted by: M. Belushnikov at February 13, 2004 10:17 PM

dear steve~

t's are everywhere... the answer is Thievery at the local 7-11. And btw, like it or not... you ARE a hot buttered bun... i can't girlcott that!

~ash :)

Posted by: Ash at February 16, 2004 12:16 PM


Bob and Tom's radio show website took your "l" and replaced it with a semicolon on their main page. The midwest conspiracy theory against Steve Joseph Joshua Poltz is becoming clearer. This should be considered the ultimate slap in the face, as a semicolon is not even a letter, my friend... "Steve Po;tz" does have a nice ring to it, however...

Posted by: mustardrow at February 22, 2004 10:13 AM

they couldn't bill you as hoT buTTered bun.. they don't have enough T's for that =)

Posted by: hmmm... at March 7, 2004 7:35 PM

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