Steve,

I am about to begin research to find you some answers.
When I drink coffee is does not keep my awake at all, unless it's completely black and cool enough where I can hold my nose and chug it. try it sometime.

There are some answers I do have already for you. It is never a good time to take a nap in a trash compactor, and don't pull our teeth, you need them to bite your toenails.

to be continued...

Of course you are insane. But just a little. And in a good way.

Don't try the teeth-pliers thing, though. That's painful.

And stick to tea. Coffee stinks.

how the hell could I have not spelled pliers right dammit! I went to Catholic school. See--the ice tea is rotting the infrastructure of my brain wave things and stuff. It isn't plyers you idiot steve. I am so mad at myself. Mice elf. Oh well, it is now fixed.
sjjp

Hendrik Willem Brouwer of Holland, working for Lever Brothers. He received patent number US4065398: Liquid soap
composition. You can read more about this at http://www.delphion.com/details?pn=US04065398__
and why? as a better alternative than providing a community bar of soap (do you really want to wash your hands with a bar of soap covered with some stranger's dirt and germs?)(hi george), and as
a more comfortable alternative to providing powdered soap (I have used it in public restrooms in the past...feels like you are washing your hands with Ajax or Comet. Uncomfortable).

Coffee, brewed 8 ounces 135(mg) of Caffeine.
Tea, brewed bag, 8 ounces 50(mg) of Caffeine.

Obviously tea is for pussys.

I don't have a definate answer for you, but I do have a solution: add more booze.

That'll counteract all that caffiene.

EVER NOTICE HOW COFFE MAKES YOUR PEE SMELL LIKE COFFEE???

EVER NOTICE HOW COFFE MAKES YOUR PEE SMELL LIKE COFFEE???

I like my coffee like my women--hot and bitter.

wow! you guys rule. i always wondered who invented liquid soap. and the patent # to boot. i feel at peace now. tea does have way less caffeine and the booze suggestion is great. booze is the yin to tea's yang.
thanks
sjjp

Dogs can, and do read your thoughts.
That's why they often turn their backs on you, stretch and rip off a terrifying fart.

As for your frenetic burst of energy this morning, it may have more to do with the main course than the beverage.

:)

ps. HAHA you spelled PLIERS wrong!

Kissyface---never, NEVER eat asparagus with your coffee!

coffee rhymes with toffee
and tea rhymes with pee...
there's your answer.

ps, all of the episodes of star trek were real. that's why we have microwave ovens and dental floss.

Isn't it Iced Tea, not Ice Tea???

Just askin'

Dana?

Thank you, Rain. Now, make him write the correct version on the chalkboard 50 times when he shows up at your house.

You're right as rain, Rain.

:)

Thanks Ms TP, But I will never correct SJJP's spelling again, I am being punished by someone from above...all I can think of is

Ice Ice Baby...

Please help

I like to have my hands iced after a long day.

isn't it iced iced baby?

just kidding...

Acid is much better in tea than booze. Well, uhhh...I've never acctually used acid. But the beatles did damnit!

I thought booze was the yin to everything's yang??

Maybe I missed a step.

Carence,
You're absolutely correct. There are no missSteps in this life, only trips.

Woahhhh, that was deep. Do you think we can keep this blog post going?! Can we keep replying long into the night, making it the most popular blog post EVER?
I think we can, I think we can..
xo,
Charlize

:p

If you drink enough coffee, it'll take care of that blog. And how, Banky!

Dana,

I think that's a fantabulous idea!!

Did I spell pussys wrong? pussies? I'll blame Steve for starting the trend.

I should know better.

and why would I include the patent number?

I'm a geek. well, just a little, I'm a geekle.

We didn't do so well with keeping this going. Why don't you tell me about chai tea?

Additionally, I should probably be able to guess this, but I'm drawing a blank. Who is Rev. Spankalot?! Do I know you?

:)

Hi Tiddly, da Rev here. Unless you've gone to any of Steve's shows in Santa Barbara, we probably haven't met. But hey, a stranger's just a friend you haven't met--so here's an official how-diddly-do to you!

Alas, I know nothing about chai tea, tai chi, Lucy Liu, or Siouxie Sioux.

Well hells bells Rev -- why the heck don't you play with us on the disScussion forum? Sometimes we're funny.

:)

Hey! I just posted some relevant Poltz news there! I'll try to be funny next time.

Chai translated into english is "tea"

so whenever I order a Chai Tea.. I'm saying, "Can i have a Tea Tea, please" ... and that's just silly.

It's yummy dana, very very yummy.

...and "sierra" means "mountains", and "sahara" means "desert"--I'm going hiking in the Mountains Mountains, and if I can afford it, take a trip to the Desert Desert...

Any opinions on Sanka?

I have no opinion on Sanka, but I do have to go to work now, so I hope there will be much threading when I get back.

Whatever happened to Hamilton, Joe, Frank and Reynolds?

Dr. Ludwig Roselius' scientific ingenuity led to the creation of decaffeinated coffee. For years, Roselius searched for a way to remove caffeine from coffee without diluting the flavorful taste and aroma. In 1903, Roselius and his team of researchers were given the opportunity to implement new techniques, using brine-soaked coffee beans that had been plunged into the sea during a storm. Roselius and his team discovered that a brine-soaked bean reacted differently to roasting and within a few years developed a technique that removed 97 percent of the caffeine without removing the flavor. A patent was issued for this process in Germany in 1906.

Shortly after, Roselius started a coffee company called Kaffee Hag and introduced his new product in Europe under various names in different countries. In France he named it Café Sanka, a contraction of the French phrase “sans caffeine.” In 1923, Roselius brought the product to the United States as Sanka, founding the Sanka Coffee Corporation in New York. Five years later, General Foods Corporation began to distribute Sanka for Roselius, and in 1932, General Foods purchased the product and the Sanka Coffee Corporation. Years later, in 1979, General Foods also purchased Roselius's original company, Kaffee Hag, from Roselius' son.

mmmkaffeehagmmmm

All this Sanka talk made me think of Tang.

Remember Tang?

I realize there is no connection, just humor me!

There is that song too, from 'weird' paul petroskey "there's a piece of meat in the tang"

There is a connection!! They both have orange labels! And they both require the addition of water.

I don't like meat in my tang.

Wait. Is that Tang or 'tang?

:o

golllllly! i went away for a day and realized that i have missed some great info. i should have said iced i think. i'm still not really sure. i do know that ted nugent "the nuge" has a song called "wang dang sweet poontang." i am so glad you put the patent # in the liquid soap info. i am now going to go and make a pitcher of sun tea. while we're at it-maybe the padres will make a pitcher out of david wells.

Oh my god... Where have you guys been all my life! Finally some people who are as nuts as I am (and also sounds like they drink as much coffee, whether decaf or not as I do to.... and are probably the least likely in the world to need it). Anyhoo... just thought i'd drop in and say hi! Can't wait for the Aus. Perth show (I might have a house with a big backyard by then... would a backyard BBQ show still be on the cards if this was the case?!). SJJP- would love to have a beer with you when you are in Perth and maybe show you the sights!!
Take it easy... and lay off the caffeine!
Oh... and thought for the day... Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where shi**y ideas come from.
Cheers, The Bilby

And let's not forget Space Food Sticks and Freakies cereal.

Oh man, remember when Jack in the Box had the Bonus Jack? It had secret sauce on it.

hi bilby.
hi rev. i remember the bonus jack. those were the days.
i just wanted the last word on this thread.

Last word?! It's over?! We can't disScuss Tang or Tea Tea or Ted Nugent's lyrical genius? Dogs and their mind reading abilities? Steve's inability to spell a simple implement found in 4 out of 5 tool boxes?

What a dictator.

"the nuge"

hehehee!

"Piece of meat in the tang" by Weird Paul

There's a piece of meat in the Tang!

My dad felt kinda thirsty
he thought he'd have some tang
he said, "Someone's gonna hang!
There's a piece of meat in my Tang!"

We saw it floating 'round at the bottom
we didn't know what it was
My dad said, "What's that thang?
Floating around in my tang?"

My dad reached for the pitcher
my mom said, "That's Tang."
My dad said, "I know."

There's a piece of meat in the Tang (3x)
and I don't give a dang,
cause I don't like Tang!

i am suing all of you for not ending this thread. it is too popular and is in danger of hurting the other thread's feelings. he is going to be made fun of by the other threads when he goes to college. why am i making this thread a boy? maybe it is a transexual thread.

carence's sauce rules!

here is an additional verse that the record label wouldn't allow.

The devil was in our kitchen
my sisiter felt kind of a pang
she was listening to sting in the past tense
so i said " you like stang?"
she said " no, the reason i'm crying is that i am a vegan and someone ruined my tang."
the pots and pans went "CLANG"
"we put the meat in the tang"

the record label thinks my verse is too wordy.

will this thread ever end?

I love your verse and all of it's wordiness.

It is my goal to post an mp3 of the "tang" song now, so you guys can hear it.

It's a classic.

I'm sorry I continued this thread... it's all Dana's fault though.

thanks carence.

here is the way i really want to end my verse.

after the pots and pans say "we put the meat the in the tang!" they keep screaming and repeating the line over and over until they eventually start walking and marching around the house and then they set it all on fire all the time screaming louder and louder "WE PUT THE MEAT IN THE TANG!" Everyone dies in the family except the dog.

then in my video in my head the cops come and arrest the pots and pans and fox news has a debate aboot weather the pots have grown too powerful with their "liberal agenda"

Have I gone too far Carence?
sjjp

You? Go to far??? NEVER!

Although, I'm a little concerned about your spelling.

weather?
you meant whether, no?

unless you did it on purpose, perhaps for comedic sake?? Because then, and only then.... it's hysterical.

Wasn't there grape Tang at one point in history? I believe it was kosher. And what aboot Chocodiles?

PS: avoid the new Jack in the Box fish sandwich...it ain't no Moby Jack.

As for the weather...it's foggy here.

yes i meant whether. but i am wondering if the past tense of whether is whather? also--if i drink sanka and then whack off can i refer to this beverage as spanka?
does anyone else have any concepts for the meat in the tang video. i am going to call my friend Mike Addis who directed the Hitchhiker Joe video. he will help.

Okay.. So I can't find the "tang" song online anywhere.

I found some other "weird paul" songs.

go to http://artists.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Weird_Paul_Petroskey/

I recommend "acting like mel torme" and "listening to your heart"

I'll work on getting "tang" out to y'all.

Hello to all of you. My name is Michael Addis and I directed the Hitchhiker Joe video as well as a short film that Steve had a cameo in - where he had only one line. The line was "Omelette" and it required 16 takes to get it right. And by "right" I mean - he didn't sound like a Klingon. Steve also co-wrote a song which is in my first feature, POOR WHITE TRASH - showing on Comedy Central this summer. I can go on, but my point is just this: I'm the only man qualified to direct the video for "Meat in my Tang." I have a team of artisans sketching storyboards now that will clarify my vision. Basically, it will be the most amazing complicated piece of Dadaist cinema since HR Puffenstuff or even the Dr. Laura TV show. I don't want to get into the technical effects here, but I assure you - YOU WILL BELIEVE A POT AND PAN CAN DANCE! That's all I want to say about it. For legal reasons we will change the name "Fox News" too "The Third Reich Info-tainment Network." And when we see one of their show hosts debating if the cookware is out of line, he will get a "counter-point" argument from a Democratic spokesperson. We will then cut to their choice for Democratic debater: a chinch bug. Please send your checks to Steve to fund this super-expensive endeavor. And let me close by saying this: if you were an astronaut and you risked your life for science and your country, don't you think the government should spring for REAL orange juice instead of crappy Tang?

Love,

Michael

Uh Steve, I'm not sure that ejaculate qualifies as a "beverage". But it was a good effort.

Perhaps an aperitif?

When will casting begin for the Meat-Tang video? I've got a 10inch T-Fal named Lawrence who has been bugging me to let him break out of his saute routine.

Herr Addis, that was a great point about the astronauts. The only thing Tang is good for is making screwdrivers.

:)

Oh my god it’s like the spelling police around here, I’m scared to write in!

Michael, that’s hilarious, I agree; HR Puffenstuff ruled, and as far a NASA is concerned, in addition to the real OJ, a nice steak dinner not those crappy space food sticks in chocolate and vanilla!

Love,
Loki

Dear Ton(y) Lok(i);
Please do not despair. The spelling police are neither malevolent nor uncomplimentary. We are a benevolent society only trying to better the world one word at a time.

On that note, I just realized for the first time in my life that malevolent and benevolent appear to be antonyms. It seems so obvious now that I've typed the words in such close proximity.

So hey, I learned something new today, and I hope you did too.

Besides which, stoopid sexy moderators get to edit their posts. So Miss Spell away!!
:)

thenk yu, i feeel muchh bitter new!

lov,e

lokkii

;o)

I don't really have a concept... but I would love to have an animated piece of meat .. ya know with eyes and a mouth singing the song sort of orange liquid... predictable, yes, but still entertaining.

and when I say "piece of meat", I mean steak or porkchops, not THAT!!!!

you guys are disgusting.

I should learn to preview before I post. I don't like that we can't edit these!!

I meant... the animated piece of meat singing the song in a glass (or pitcher) of tang.

this is gonna be huge!

Herr Director sir? Will you please notify us when your film will be shown on Comedy Central? I have the attention span of a 3 year old on crack.
I can't believe you got Poltz and William Devane! Genius casting!

Carence, I don't know what you're inferring with that steak and porkchop comment, but this vegetarian finds it most offensive.

Bitch.

Ted Nugent cut a piece of meat out of his leg with a chain saw when he was filming his reality show. Maybe in the video the surprise ending could be when the nuge shows up to reclaim his leg meat out of the tang. He could say, "Hey, eat meat, but don't eat MY meat!"

I like this blog entry and the ensuing chaos. It reminds me of Mama.

Steve -- Please play Mama tonite and think of bright orange shag carpeting when you sing the chorus.

Thank you,
:)

"Lidsville is the kook-kook-kookiest
Lidsville is the kick-kick-kickiest
Lidsville is the groove-groove-grooviest
Lidsville is the living end
And if you have the chance to go-go
Then you'll be glad you did,
Cuz everybody who goes to Lidsville
Really flips his lid"

yes.. I too thought this had finally died... but guess what???

I have the mp3 of 'piece of meat in the tang'

if you want it e-mail me.
CEngdahl@aol.com

Steve, I sent yours already.

"The meat-tang is the hardest part
Every day cuts one more fart
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The meat-tang is the hardest part"

Not
--Tom Petty

Weird Paul is awesome! Fans of Steve's wackier songs (e.g. "Monkeys Flying Out of Your Keyster") should check him out:

www.weirdpaul.com

Anyone who wants MP3 files should email me or Carence.

Sincerely,

Rob the Drummer

Dear Rob the Drummer,

I believe the proper spelling is KEISTER.

IDIOT!

Love,
Ms. P
Carence, email forthcoming.

I just decided that we need new Poltz t-shirts that simply say, IDIOT!

:)

I'd wear one proudly.

Dear Ms. P.,

Regarding the spelling of "keister": Very good; I was testing you. You get 50 gold stars!

Interesting fact: "Keister" can also be spelled "keester."

Perhaps I should have replaced "ass" with "fanny" or "derriere" instead.

Sincerely,

Rob the Drummer

Tea as I've been thinking about lately oddly has more threobommnin things which effect the cardiovascular system much more than coffee which only really effects the mental state better coffee if heart attach I guess but I don't really know. They people around me still threaten my daily existence constantly making my real life neegledgably possibly beyond taking more abuse from them or having the always reading over my shoudler and destroying my dreams and inspiration my own that is. and ability to communicate right what I have had to say and still sort of do...it's a scarey world I guess these days but they do to me what they feel the world is doing to itself to not be a part of it like they aren't still still on earth you know? but I guess life will go on with this UNFRieNDLY fire...and displacement of my mind and abilities for no good reason I can tell you that...thanks for listeneitng...I'll work on it all I can good luck to everything. missin you and all.

Yay!

Rob the drumner made a spelling error!! awww, he fits right in!

good times!

=)

I would wear that tee shirt Ms. P
and ummm... my office smells like chihuahua pee.

nicefreckles--I hope the chee-hooa-hooa wasn't eating asparagus!

Speaking of Gumby--I'm trying to get Steve to do the Gumby theme to the tune of "Paint It, Black".

"He was once a little gree-een da-a-ab of clay
Now you should see what Gumby ca-an do today
He can walk through any book with his pony pal Pokey too!
If you have got a heart then Gumby's a part of you!
Uh-uh-uh-ah-uh-uh-uh-uh-ah-oh-ah-ah uh..."etc...

Dear NiceFreckles,

Was your "chihuahua pee" comment in any way a reference to the movie Dirty Work?

If not, I recommend it. It's a very funny movie starring Norm Macdonald, Artie Lange, Chris Farley, and Chevy Chase, among others.

Sincerely,

Rob the Drummer

Dear Rev, i like the Gumby/Stones idea. it works.

And Dear Rob the drummer,
Not a movie reference, just a sad factoid.
I have a tiny little posse. They resent taco bell and my computer.

Or I don't let them oOt enough.

I will look for the movie you mentioned.
If it is bad I promise I won't come over and pee in your office.

Sincerely,
nicefreckles

Does Mr. Addis have a fan site? Should I start one?

Did you think I was going to let this die?! Never!!! bwah haha haha! Even when it gets archived and moved to a less prominent position, I'll still post to it daily. I'll keep it warm by making Tea Tea for it and whispering quietly to it in the wee hours of the morning.

Rob the Drummer, after watching School of Rock this weekend, I must concur on its genius. However, I'm more than a little perturbed that you awarded me 50 gold stars. You were just throwing me a bone weren't you? What will happen to my gold stars? Will they end up on my permanent record?

Ms. P,

Rob the drummer and I watched School of Rock yesterday as well. I think we are going to incorporate it into weekly band practice. To keep us in line and in good spirits with the rock Gods.

"don't tell me you never got the Led out!!"

Dear Ms. P.,

The 50 gold stars I awarded you will indeed go on your permanent record. Hello Harvard, yo!

Carence and I are playing a show Saturday night in northern NJ. Maybe everyone on this message board can come.

Visit www.thegreylocks.com for more info.

Sincerely,

Rob the Drummer

Bill and I got into a huge fight on Saturday regarding the Immigrant Song.
I say it's about Manifest Destiny and Bill says, I'm dumb.

What say you?

Dear Ms. P.,

I think "Immigrant Song" is about Led Zeppelin being high.

Seriously, I think you're reading too far into it. The lyrics are vague and open to interpretation, but let's not get carried away by putting meaning where there is none.

Don't worry about being dumb. We all are sometimes.

Sincerely,

Rob the Drummer

Dear Rob the Drummer,

I am your Overlord. Do not trifle with me, nor forget to bow down before me.
When I reveal the truth to you, you are not to give me any lip. Only aye's and yeah's are noted.

Carence, give the lad a primer, would you?

Queen P Valhalla

Ahem!

Let's get back on track, shall we?

What are the best songs aboot coffee and/or tea?

1. Tea for Texas--Jimmie Rodgers
2. Touch of Earl Gray--Grateful Dead
3. Pour It, Black--Stones
4. Too Chai Chai--Kajagoogoo(?)

Dear Ms. P., Queen of Valhalla,

I am on the front lines liberating people with my high voltage rock music. It is you who should bow before me and behold my amazing skills.

Sincerely,

Rob the Drummer

I just got back home from the mountains and was away from the computer for a few days. I drank only Darjeeling tea. It was awesome possum.

We're still talking about tea. Amazing. So what flush do you prefer Steve? Are you a first, second or autumnal kind of guy?

Cream? Sugar? Lemon? Mint? Hot? Warm? Iced?

Caffeine makes me happy,
Ms. P

i enjoy a nice cup of tetley's with a wee bit of milk served in a pretty little tea cup with a matching saucer. i really prefer vintage tea cups with roses.
sjjp

Don't forget the obligitory pinky extension whilst sipping. And cucumber sandwiches. For dunking.

i forbid anyone to comment on this thread anymore. i am a control freak I FORBID IT. NO MORE. MO MAS!
but hey--i do love cucumber sandwiches.
i must have the last word. it is a sickness i have toward this thread.

Oh hell, I couldn't make it all the way through. Yes, it is iced tea. Also, I think that in addition to caffeine, tea contains theopholine (probably misspelled, this way it looks more religious...) which has the bonus effect of making people think that whatever transient inanity that crosses their mind is worth sharing, uncut, at any given moment. Oops, better go finish my tea.
Oh, my bad, was that the last word? :)

Someone takes this "Last Word" stuff seriously.

:)

Testing?

Hi ms p--you passed the test. You win a tea party with Poltz and Malibu Stacy. Bring your own crumpets.

Oooooo!! You guys are in trouble!!

Yes, we've been very naughty. We deserve punishment. Rev bad boy.

I'm drinking a ginormous iced coffee and looking out at the drizzle. Ugh. I can't find my Malibu Stacy - is there a Locopomoco version Rev?

Hey Steve -- HA HA!

:)

Yep...she comes with her own pack of Marlboro Lights and tea shades.

Neener, neener.

The other night someone told me I looked like "fast action barbie" I don't even think there is a fast action barbie, and if there is ... she sounds like a slut.

I'm drinking Chai (Tea Tea).

Steve is gonna kill us.

If Steve kills us he'll be caught. The wayback machine has all of these entries archived and he'll spend the rest of his life in prison teaching yoga to molesters.

:)

Hey...danger is my middle name, baby.

"Bring 'em on!"

A good cuppa tea is worth it...

Dear Rev,
If danger is your middle name, I'll need some proof. People go around spouting stuff like that willy nilly with no regard for those of us who REALLY have unusual middle names that highlight one of our attributes.

Love,
Ms. Tight Ass Pertussin

Dear Ms. Pertussin:

My son Rev. asked me to write you to set the record straight concerning my baby boy.

It was a freezing July afternoon in Fresno, California. My husband, Dan, and I were selling our firstborn child Susie Lou for enough gasoline to make it to the Wasco labor camp. We had been falsely accused of being Red agitators while picking grapes at the wage of 1/3 of a cent per ton at a winery in Santa Cruz California, just to the south of Dick's Automotive. The local Elks, Masons, Rotary and Weeblos led a torchlit march to our cardboard box, possibly with ill intent.

We had managed to escape with our lives, but not with the eleven cents we had earned at the winery. Fortunately, the road from Santa Cruz to Fresno is all downhill, so no gas was needed for the Corvair.

gotta go now...the Wheel's on.

More later,
Mrs. Spankalot

Dear Mrs. Spankalot,

I know you don't want to miss your "programs", but I'd really like to hear the ending of this sordid little tale.

I await your reply with bated breath. Wait, do I mean fetid?

Yours in fomentation,
Ms. P

ps.

I think Steve should write a song featuring words that begin with the letter "f". Like fetid and foment.

:)

fiduciary firkin fealty fetal Fresno

So, we coast into Fresno; myself, Pa, Susie Lou, the twins (Durward and Kirby), Granny, Uncle Dick, er, Barney, two dead chickens, three radishes, and a pack of Chesterfields. Did I mention that I was great with child at the time? Well, I was.

Pa sold the dead chickens and one radish to a nearby Armenian restaurant called "Ian's". That got us enough money to buy Susie Lou a left shoe. Now Susie Lou had retail value, as the toe that ate roast beef on her left foot was tattooed with a picture of John Kruk's left testicle, which caused nausea in all who gazed upon it.

Susie Lou was an old maid of 22 at this time, and finding a husband, even in Fresno, was going to be difficult. Fortunately, we found a wino near the Pep Boys on Blackstone who was willing to buy Susie Lou for three dollars, a bag of empty pop bottles, and a half-can of low sodium Spam. It goes without saying that Susie Lou was more than thrilled at her good luck; her betrothed told us that he once lived in Otay Mesa, where he had a job deveining shrimp. My Lord, how many times had Pa and I heard Susie Lou singing to herself "I want a man with a slow hand/I want a man with a deveining touch"? So after a tearful but happy good-bye, the newlyweds pushed their shopping cart toward Clovis.

The nuptuals over, Pa and me took the twins, Durward and Kirby, to the recycling center, where we received 78 cents for the pop bottles. Meanwhile, Granny and Uncle Dick, er, Barney feasted on the Spam and the two remaining radishes.

Flush with $3.78 in cold hard cash, we piled into the Corvair. Then Pa and the twins, Durward and Kirby, got out to push, as we had no gas yet. We rolled into a nearby Terrible Herbst, where gas was going for 16 cents a gallon, and filled up. A full tank of gas! We could now make it all the way to Wasco! And we had enough money to buy a half-dozen Chik-O-Stiks to eat on the way.

So, down Highway 41 we went, past Handord, Kettleman City (where Kirby got carsick), and over the hills. After a few hours, the blazing sunny sky gave way to a thick fog and cooler temperatures. In the distance, we could see three tall smokestacks and something that looked like an enormous rabbit poo.

"This ain't Wasco!" Pa said. "Wasco ain't got no oceans!" Sure enough, we could hear the sound of water rushing.

Just then, I figured out what had happened. "Pa," says I, "my water just broke!"

Ooh! Ken Berry's guesting on "CHiPs"! Gotta go...

Mrs. S

fumble fingers forgive

Oops, I misspelled "Hanford". Ironically, I left oot the "f"!

So we've made it to 100 undetected. Bwah hah haha! This thread will go down in internet history. 40 years from now, school children will be referred to this thread as an example of civil disSobedience, the likes of which where heretofore unknown.

Is CHiP's over yet? C'mon Mrs. S, don't leave me hanging here.

Crap!! It's "were" not "where", I D I O T.

Alrighty Then...

So, Pa and I, Granny, Uncle Dick, er, Barney, and the twins (Durward and Kirby) took ourselves one heck of a wrong turn. Instead of beautiful Wasco and the labor camp of our dreams, we end up near the ocean, at some town next to three big smokestacks and one heckuva big rock. And here I am, getting ready to birth a baby.

So Pa parks the Corvair in the parking lot at the beach. He tells Granny, "Granny, go into town and see what kinda blankets you can get for that pack of Chesterfields, a radish, and two Chik-O-Stiks." So granny takes off toward town. Meanwhile, I do believe I'm dilating.

Uncle Dick, er, Barney says, "I'll see if that there big rock has a name, and ask someone if they have boiling water". Kirby (one of the twins) and Durward (another of the twins) help me into a supine position on the sand. I'm dilating to beat the band now.

So here I am, contracting toward childbirth, with Durward and Kirby (the twins) fanning me with big pieces of kelp, and Pa trying to keep me calm by singing my favorite song, "The Impossible Dream". After about an hour, Granny returns, not with blankets but with salt water taffy. Damn: a pack of Chesterfields, a radish and two Chik-O-Stiks wasted. Though you'll never convince Durward and Kirby (the twins) of that; they went after that taffy like a blow torch on a can of peaches. Meanwhile, my contractions are now 23 seconds apart.

After another 10 minutes, Uncle Dick, er, Barney returns with three other men, a one-legged sea gull, and an almost empty quart bottle of Colt .45. Sumbitch is drunk. "Welcome ta Morrro Bay! Home of the big rock!" he screams, before falling face down in the sand, allowing the one- legged sea gull to hop away.

Pa can't take it anymore. "I can't take it anymore!" he said, "Goldang stupid relations; I shoulda sold them to that wino in Fresno instead of Susie Lou!" The twins, Durward and Kirby, break out in tears and r-u-n-n-o-f-t. Pa runs toward town. Meanwhile, I'm dilating like a coked-out lemur.

So here I am, alone, about to give birth. A small boy of about four years of age, wearing a St. Christopher medal around his neck and carrying a clamming fork, walks up to me.

"Lady" he says, "you need some help?" The lad has an odd accent. "Where ya from, lad?" says I, through gritted teeth. "I'm from Halifax, eh," he says. "My name is Steven Joseph Joshua Judges Ruth John Jacob Poltzenheimerschmidt." Granny, hearing this, said "Boy, if you're ever gonna make it in pop music, you better shorten up that name." "OK then", says the boy.

Unbeknownst to all of us, while the lad from Halifax was telling us his name, I gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. Unfortunately, the expulsion of the afterbirth attracted the one-legged sea gull, three sea lions, and Uncle Dick, er, Barney.

As they all advanced upon my baby and me, the plucky Nova Scotian brandished his clamming fork at both man and beast. "Take off, eh!" he shouted. Both man and beasts put a collective egg in their shoes and beat it; my new baby and I were safe.

"How can I thank you?" I asked the courageous lad.

"Uh...could you give your baby the middle name 'Danger' and make sure he comes to see me in Santa Barbara when I grow up and be a pop star?"

"You got it!" I tell him.

So, 39 years later, that baby, Rev. Danger Spankalot, has gone to every recent Santa Barbara show of that young boy from Halifax. Yes, that boy, Steven Joseph Joshua Judges Ruth John Jacob Poltzenheimerschmidt, grew up to be Steve Poltz.

And now you know....the rest of the story.

By the way, Ms p, I believe my boy has taken a shine to you!

MAAAAA!!!!!

BRAVO!!! Rev,

You rock harder than a geologist at an AC/DC show at the Hard Rock Cafe at the Rock of Gibralter!

ms p

ps. I'm kinda shiny myself!

so, uh, ms p.....uh.....you like....uh, stuff? I...uh...um. OK! uh, I gotta go now...um... 'k, bye.

(Shit! Stupid! Stupid! STUPID! You dumb-ass--reeeeeeal smooth. Fag.)

you said "fag".

He said a lot of things. I like the Rev.
I fear him a little, but I like him a lot.

Seems it's always the way..
yanno?

How's Carriecanary today?
:)

Ya know what's really good? Green olives in beer.

I first discovered this several years ago at the Pozo Saloon, Pozo CA. Steve-O, howcum you haven't played there?

I like beer and I love green olives.

I think we should get married.

Me and you Rev. Not me, beer and the green olives.

Because that would be weird.

Consider my proposal. Think of the children.
You know how happy Peggy and Ned would be? Ned might be vexed initially, but I know he'll learn to track peggy by her scent.
PS. I found a recipe for chicken bones made entirely from soybeans.
Love, Frexy

Frexy--

You had me at "I like beer".

YES! YES! YES!

Jeez kids - get a room. I can't believe you'd take this simple blog post about coffee and tea and preferences thereof, and turn it into some form of internet dating game.

I don't know who you think you are, but this is Steve's site, and he makes the rules.

I kill me.

:)

Once again, Dana is right! Using Steve's blog page as a hookup venue for goat-lovers is taking it too far. Next thing you know, there'll be freaks left and right, spamming us about porn, Viagra, and mortgages.

Oh, wait...

Nevermind.

Ms P! You are the one who introduced us.
Remember?

GINKO!

PS. Sorry about the spam.

So frexy--ya like coffee?

Freeze-dried Tasters' Choice rocks fairly consistantly, thought don't mention that to Geddy Lee--he's strictly a Maxwell House kind guy.

As for me, I kinda like a half-caff soy latte capuccino with a cinnamon stick and a water glass full of Ketel One on the side. And a jar of Trader Joes Colossal Garlic Stuffed Green Olives for noshing.

Peggy likes raw Lipton tea bags. Keeps her regular, y'know. She's so damm funny; I just wish I could see what she is doing.

Good catch Frex!

Are you going to be kind to the good Rev? He's left a soft spot in my heart, and a much larger one on my head.

"mind his little fontanelle!"

I wish Steve would come over and make me some Sun tea.

What?

errata:

"thought" should read "though"

"kind" should read "kinda"

"half-caff soy latte capuccino with a cinnamon stick" should read "Wheat Thins"

"Mind you don't cut yourself, Mordecai"

"the doors are gonna swing wide!"

"Hi, I'm barren!"

"I'll be takin' these Huggies and whatever cash you got "

"Has he got his dip-tet?"

I D I O T S!

"Shut the f*ck up, Donny!"

This thread shall not die!
Coffee, tea or sex haikus
Are all welcome here.

whoa. this is crazy! i haven't walked into this forest in a long time. i have had tea every day since my arrival in australia. you guys are bigger freaks than i.
love and kisses
sjjp

Ha! Aboot time someone came back here! Hope yer wearing yer tea-shades. Fair-dinkum wollabooboolloolla!

how dare you have the last word.
sjjp

I've never been to this forum before and happened upon it by accient when trying to renew my boyfriend's domain. Yes, I am Weird Paul's woman, no bull. I let the domain subscription run out and typed in the URL, and got this instead. I know that this isn't a thread about music, but what the hell, it isn't about coffee either.

Anyhoo, there is a small film about Paul to be finished sometime this year and I believe his parents are in it talking about the Tang incedent. Anyone wishing to make little animations or films, even in theory or in imagination, who wants to use Paul's music may go ahead and get in touch with either of us and will receive much cooperation.

We haven't done much with the IUMA page in over a year. Piece of Meat in the Tang was on mp3.com but we all know that went to hell in the proverbial handbasket. Until I get weirdpaul.com you can go to http://community-2.webtv.net/sabata/THEMUSICOFWEIRDPAUL/
Not that the people looking at this page care all that much. Wait, the Greylocks? Is this Rob the drummer chap a/k/a Guitari?
Both coffee and tea are delicious. I grew up in a home of very heavy coffee consumption and used to drink upwards of 5 cups a day. My mom would make me 'coffee-milk' (about half-coffee/half-milk) as a child (because real milk is gross) and I started drinking it black around age 13. Maybe it stunted my growth but I'd rather blame it on things that aren't fun. I only drink about one cup a week now.

(languid reggae beat, please)

Tea shades...your teeth
Tea shades...the truth
Tea shades...Ben Keith
Tea shades...of youth.

We made...some tea
It was...too light
Not good...for eyes
Tea shades...just right.

Don't smoke...that tea
Belongs...to me
I get...good grades
Wearing...tea shades.

Tea shades...so cool
Tea shades...da fool
Tea shades...your lies
Tea shades...my eyes.

hmmm...should I add a "mon" to the end of each line?

Makes it easier to rhyme, thasfurshur...

"Tie me kangaroo down, Sport!"

Coffee and tea are pleasing to me.
Good song, spankie!
:D

I vote for "mon".

Oh yeah, Hi Steve.

Last.

Thanx, P. Mon.

G'day Stevereedoo. Mate.

Hola, amigos. Ese.

O Jeebus, Mary and Joseph! I just re-read this whole thread from the beginning, and it is forkin EPIC!!! Props to all for contributing!

Steve, please put this thread in the liner notes of your next lp!

"A Triumph"

"Truly one of the best threads of the year!"

"Rarely does one find such an amazing group of idiots together in one thread"

The critics agree!

Love,
Last

Hi p...I think we're alone here....wanna neck?

Espresso.

xo
Anad

Where's Poltz?

Tea shades. Mon.

Mr. Poltz is in NYNY, which is not to be confused with NONO, or even NAHNAH.

I have it on good authority* that he loves us even though we continue to rape and pillage our way through this thread and wreak havoc on his little blog.

What's doing Rev?

*my imagination

heh, heh, heh...

I had no coffee today, nor tea.
And Poltzy is far from you and me.
You ladies out west are withoot your fix.
Guess you'll have to settle for some other

caffienated beverages.

; )

Hey! Who let that advertising in here? And it has nothing to do with coffee or tea shades! Ms. p, where is your outrage?

Here's my outrage!! Right here! Damnit all to hell! What is this blog coming to? How dare they defile our hijack with a crappy advert? They could have at least thrown in a song or a spongemonkey or something. I hate them.

IDIOTS!

This mornings brew is coffee brewed with espresso beans served over ice in a 16 oz glass with a splash of fat free milk. mmmmcoffeemmm

Morning, pee!

(which is often the cause of morning wood)

My beverage is Don Francisco espresso, made the way I like my coffee and women--hot and bitter.

Tea shades, mon.

Where's Steve-O?

I'll phentermine you!

Many moons ago, a man typed a few paragraphs of mad rantings. Those who read the words were moved by the enormity of the thoughts contained therein, and invigorated by the thoughtful yet down to earth way the feelings were conveyed. They formed a loose community at first, but their bond quickly strengthened and soon they were disciples to The Word. The dawn of this new religion... what an exciting time to be alive.
So sayeth Sister Dana - Poltz: Blog 17, Post 150.

Nor can hover-bikes tear us usunder from The Word.

Deacon Spankalot

Scuzzi...that's "asunder".

Who you calling scuz?

:)

uhhhh....cummy?

Yeah, cummy.

Defomately.

It's been one week since you looked at me..

Does a vodka and lemonade have any caffeine? If not, is it at least edgy?

mmmmm....vodka...

If ya mix it with diet Vanilla Pepsi it'll have the caffeine, and the edge. It's muy bono! U2 will like it!

No Pepsi. Coke!

And even if Bono will like it, will Cher?

:)

I think Bono will Cher, cuz he seems like the generous type. But don't get it in yer eye, it will Sting. Wear tea shades.

BEST THREAD EVER!!!

Rev, I need some inspiration. Who will be my muse?

Diet Coke with a redbull!

:)

Jolt Cola mixed with Red Bull, Mountain Dew, yesterday's coffee, and 3 Pixy Stix....liquid crack.

mmmm....crack.....

So I walked into 7-11 this morning and poured myself a Big Gulp coffee. I added 28 sugars and 13 equals and dropped a boston creme doughnut in for good measure. Then I carried my breakfast to the cashier station and carefully placed it upon the counter. As I reached into my purse I noted that I only had a $20 and the "help" hate that. I quickly formulated a plan. I grasped the huge steaming cup of coffee and with all the force I could muster I flung it into the horrified face of the slack jawed employee. I brayed laughter and charged out of the store, shouting, "Steve Poltz!! Steve Poltz!"

AWESOME! TOTALLY AWESOME! Way to go Hamilton!

I wish 7-Eleven sold fried chicken. And diva cups. And tea shades.

IT IS OFF THE FRONT PAGE BUT IT WILL NOT DIE. NEVER NEVER NEVER!

Where the flock did the weekend go? Why am I sitting here wearing my running gear, and not moving towards the door? Why didn't Smarty Jones win the Belmont Stakes? I'll tell you why! Caffeine!! The answer and the question to all of lifes most elusive quandrys.

I think I'm alone now. I GULPED my coffee this morning. Do you think the WAY you drink your coffee has an affect on how it hits your bloodstream? I'm feeling rather fuzzilicious.

I'll never leave you, p.

I think the way I drink coffee has an effect on how it hits my colon.

tea shades, mon.

A huge clatter exploded from the south. She inched towards the kitchen with much fear. It was then she realized that she was toasted and that she shouldn't have to look at the sturdy DELL keyboard each time she typed a word that she should have been able to touchtype in her sleep from the age of three.

Woah.

I scare me.

Since when do I get drunk on 3 glasses of wine? What is wrong with me?

I had double my ususal morning caffeine allotment and now I fear I'm about to crash.

toodaroo

p, I long for the day we can break bread and bottles together. 3 glasses? I think I luuuuv yewwww!

Is that a lot?! A little?! :D
I'm embarrassed! I'll break bottle with you anytime man. I mean mon.

:D

Fluck off, online casinos--this is p's and my room!

I want Skittles.

Hey Rev, can we play roulette with Skittles?

Hmmm....only if the Skittles have caffeine.

How 'boot those chocolate covered espresso bean thingies?

Okay -- we can do that I guess. Just don't slip any yogurt covered anything.

Black 23!

HOMER (on phone): Hello Vegas? $100 on Black!...D'Oh!

I wish their was caffeine in vodka so as Ii'd have something relevant to say at this juncture.

Have you ever known anyone who always needs to insert his or her catch phrase into a conversation? "at this juncture"

xo
Caffeine Pertoolsin

At this juncture, I'm pixturing you buzzing on caffeinated vodka.

Naked.

Wait--are you naked, or are I?

I'm soo loonely...You're such a super lady! Ja, I work at Honeywell, ya can do a lot worse...I'm the executive sales manager! Ah, what the Christ!...I think I'm gonna barf!...

p, I luv yoo more than George Dubya Bush loves cocaine.

I've just come to realize exactly what a hold nicotine has on me.

If I'd had coffee this morning before I applied this freakin patch I'd probably be spinning like a top in the corner about now.

How's the Rev, mon?

:)

Da Rev is good, mon.

Went to LA dis weekend, to Amoeba Records in Hollyweird (lotsa $5 cds!) and McCabe's Gittar Shop in Santa Monica to see Tom Russell--he was awesome possum.

Now I'm at work. Withoot tea shades. But had coffee dis AM.

I hate to admit it, but I don't get this tea shades thing you keep saying. :D

Phil Mein

ps. What's your favorite kind of hand soap?

Tea Shades (ti-shayds)n. Sunglasses used by hippy stoners to hide their cannabis-reddened eyeballs from parents, teachers, and PO-lice. Mon.

Hand soap? GUNK waterless mechanics' hand cleaner (orange scent).

I useta work in my dad's auto parts store.

ahhhh!! Sorry to be so thickish.
I'm so behind the times I still rely on Visine. Just push me off to the old folks stoner home.

As for the hand soap, GUNK?! Isn't that like Comet mixed in with crappy lotion? Where you been putting those hands mon, that they need that kinda beating?

Wait.

Maybe you shouldn't answer that out here where the fuzz can see it.

ok, ok....

I really use Tova Borgnine's Touch O'Pansy with extra aloe, lanolin and retsin, in the special delicate touch pump bottle, for that soft girly hands feel.

Good for whacking purposes too.

I didn't say that, did I?

Dear Rev,
I've been contemplating your "username" for some time now.
Most of the regulars on the forum have chosen names that relate in some way to their relationship with Steve. (Real or imagined. HA!)

And I was just wondering -- what inspired you to choose yours?

I had ordered an unsweetened Extra Large Iced Tea from Wendy's to accompany my lunch today. The large paper cup covered in wax was sweating profusely all over my desk and it looked so cold and inviting. My hands trembled ever so slightly as I tore the paper from the straw and unceremoniously slammed it through the cups crappy plastic cover. I used both hands to grasp my 32 oz of joyous caffeine. As the straw neared my lips, my breathing was quick and shallow. I gently placed my quivering lips around the hollow drinking stick and sucked with great power.

As the cold liquid reached my mouth I realized immediately that the rest of my day would suck. Those fuckin ASSHOLES sweetened my tea.

:)

I slammed my coffee this morning and it made me sweat.

My username was bestowed upon me by Steve his own self: After the show at Soho in Santa Barbara CA, Steve was hanging around with some of us groupies. The bar was closed, drinks were flowing like wine, people were SMOKING in the bar (a defomate no-no in Cali), and so forth. Steve and I and another guy were passing around the peace pipe, and he asked me if I would post the set list on his web site. I said "sure!". He wrote down a bunch of stuff on a scrap of paper and told me I had to post as Reverend Spankalot. When I joined the site, I shortened it to Rev.

Ok, gotta get rid of some o this coffee, and make some fone calls for work. Mon.

So what is it aboot you that just screams,
"Reverend Spankalot"?

Were you wearing a collar? ;)

My morning dose of caffeine is being administered this morning via a large icy cold diet cola.
What say U?

I miss Steve. Do you think if I won the lottery I could pay him to come live with me? I think he'd make a snappy house boy.

I guess it was the combination of my Christlike demeanor and my hairy palm.

I'm off today, so I went to the coffee hoose and had some kinda Kona blend.

Would you make Steve wear a houseboy uniform? Or would it be a clothing-optional kinda thing? Think he knows how to make coffee?

OKp, yer turn...why for pertussin?

Cuz of your pert tussin?

I got blocked when I tried to post earlier. :mad:

Ewww to your hairy palms! You're forming a lovely image in me head. :)

Steve would definitely have to wear a uniform so we wouldn't get him confused with our other slaves. I was thinking something along the lines of what mimes wear.

As for his coffee making abilities, I don't rightly know. He makes a mean taco, and does well under pressure. He remained completely calm while informing me that my oven was on fire.

When I first joined the forum Steve was on a cough syrup binge, and I just happened to know a fella who was addicted to Pertussin (narcotic cough syrup) so after I read through a couple of posts, I thought that was a sensible name. The "ms" is cuz I'm a lady person.

:p

Once Steve got stuck inside an invisible box and couldn't get oot. Good thing he had enuff cough syrup.

I had eggs and beans for breakfast.

Dude! Beans for breakfast?! Pinto? Black? Refried? Lima? Green? Waxed?

Don't forget to floss!

Pinquito beans, a local specialty. I like em spicy. Like my wimmen.

Wait, I like my coffee like my wimmen--strong and bitter.

Ha! Coffee, beans and wimmen -- one helluva burrito you're whipping up there Rev.

I'm a big bean fan myself.

Are they like pintos? And when I say pinto, I don't mean the pony.

We're getting dangerously close to 200...

Pinquitos are a little round pink bean--a staple of Santa Maria style bbq. I can send ya some with some special Santa Maria seasoning if'n ya want. They go most excellently with good tortillas. Which I can also send you.

I believe they are decaffeinated, and possibly kosher (mmmm....Hebrew Nationals....).

My friend who is moving gave me her old Mr. Coffee; I'm test driving it now. I usually don't drink coffee in the afternoon, but I'm in the middle of housecleaning and need the lift.

Where the stuck is Feve? We need his whizdom aboot now. ;)

I think he forsuck us for another!!
Mooomm, Steve's being a dildo!

I need some crack.

NOW!

ps. Mornin' Spankie!

Hiya, peepee!!

I'm drinking some crack now. I like my new Mr. Coffee. Thank you Joe DiMaggio (are you old enuff to get that reference?)!

Speeking of baseball...

Steve never has commented on my attempt to transcribe his Padres song...I hope I didn't offend the little fella.

I'm thinking Thai food for lunch.

Salutations Rev!! Two effin hunnerd! You rool the roost with your effortless effluegy.

I have no idea -- but I thought you deserved a special word.
:)

uhhh?!?!

Procrastination is a sign of creativity.

Oh fer crying out loud!! Out damn spot! OUT I SAY!

Stupid frickin canned haggis purveyors.

Ms Macbeth

ATTENTION ALL PLANETS OF THE SOLAR FEDERATION!
ATTENTION ALL PLANETS OF THE SOLAR FEDERATION!
ATTENTION ALL PLANETS OF THE SOLAR FEDERATION!

IF YOU ARE NOT STEVE POLTZ, MS. P, OR REV. SPANKALOT, THOU SHALT NOT POST ON THIS THREAD!

WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL!
WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL!
WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL!

Thank you kind sahr (<--- we watched Mary Reilly last weekend, and I can't get Julia Roberts terrible accent oot of me wee brain)!

I bow to your massive .. ummm massive...
authority!

I just took a big swig of coffee and lo and behold -- GROUNDS! UGHH! Although it was a disSgusting affront, I think the added boost of chewing my coffee will get me through the day.

Emperor Rev -- I got yer Joe DiMaggio ref -- I'm pretty sure I'm older than you.
Happy Toursday!

Haven't had any coffees yet today; not workin.

Think I'll go to Santa Barbara and see Fairenheit 911.

May need a cuppa for the trip.

WHERE IS POLTZ?

Poltz is in San Diego! Doh.

Everyone I know who's seen Fahrenheit has loved it.

ME TOO!

Bring a hanky, if yer a sensitive wuss like I am.

DUHH-bya is defomately a tweeker. He needs to switch to the lo-carb coke.

Hellloooo?

p?

I had tea (withoot shades) this morning. I was oot of coffee.

I got a Big Gulp coffee at 7-Eleven on my way into work. Now I'm sweaty and tweeky. I need a fan in here!

I just got back in from a run wherein I must have shed a good 3 pounds in sweat... I mean perspiration. I think I'll replenish my fluids with a gallon of coffee.

Happy Dependence Day~

A gallon? Yuck. You don't even wanna know what that would do to my southerly innards.

I collapsed a lung taking off my socks.

Happy Co-Dependents Day!

To you too, POLTZ.

My caffeine has worn off.

:(

50 ccs of Maxwell House and a cardiac needle, STAT!

I like to dip Funyuns in my coffee.

Hell, there ain't nothin I won't dip my Funyuns into!

Funyuns?! Fritos scoops please.

:)

I pour coffee in Fritos Scoops, then dip my Funyuns into that.

Funyuns are the new donuts.

I like pub cheese.

I think I'll stir some No-Doz into a container of pub cheese, add a dash of ground red pepper and then smear it over my nekkid body.

You said "smear".

Post 222.

Remember that show "Room 222"? Whatever happened to Karen Valentine?

Was she killed in 'Nam, like Beaver? Or did she explode from eating Pop Rocks, like Mikey from the Life cereal commercials?

Ya gotta take life cereal, baby.

I said "Beaver".

Up early today, so I may hafta have extra coffee. What Would Poltz Do?

Hi p!

p?

peeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Whar ere ya?

Here I bee! I was just off inventing new ways to do damage to my brain cells. I'm pretty sure I succeeded!

How many more sleeps til your birthday?

:)

My odometer clicks over to 40.0 on the 25th, the beginning of which I hope to be in the midst of a Poltzianic stupor in Ramona.

I had my coffee, and I'm off today, so I'm interspersing cleaning my kitchen and doing pushups...I did 300 yesterday, tho not all at once.

40. That's a rough one.

So I hear.

Have you picked out your present to yourself?

Yeah, I'm going to Ramona to see Poltz. Once I'm there, it's up to my admirers.

40 is the new 30. I'm growing older, but I refuse to grow up.

Does Jager mix with coffee?

Can 41 be the new 21? For cases of older than you arrested development please see:
Poltz, Steven and Pertussin, Ms.

I bet Jager would be a delight in coffee!

For my 40th I got a trip to San Diego and two tattoos. :)

10 days til Polio.
11 days til Spankalotennial.

I've dated 40+ y.o. wimmens since I was 25. Think I'll finally hook up with someone my own age? Or will I have a midlife crisis and troll for 19-year-olds?

(these are rhetorical questions, less'un you gots any idears)

Why not live a little?! Try one of the youngsters on for size. They're growing 'em mighty smart these days. I'm always a fan of the May-December romances.

:D

Who am I kidding. I'm a huge fan of romance. Go with your heart Rev!

Now I feel foolish because I'm certain that you've mentioned your REAL name in the past, but at the moment it's beyond me. It's going to bug me, so tell me?!
Thanks!!
Dana

Danger, remember?

Nah....'smerely Mike. Though I also answer to Elaine.

Nope!! I didn't know that before. Yayy!! I'm not losing my mind.

:)

Thank you,
Annie

No problemo.

What's Steve's real name? I heard it was Beaver.

Tho I could be wrong.

Love,
Susie

Susielainemike,
How many milligrams of caffeine have you consumed today? Were they good to you? I'm feeling a tad sluggish.

Tomorrow will double my dose and see if there are increases in productivity.

:)
Steve's real name is Pituitary. Call him that and see if he doesn't answer.

Sarah

I had 2 cups o'coffee this AM and a large diet pepsi at lunch. I went for a walk after work and plan on doing a bunch of pushups later.

Cindy Lou Who

Goo morning.

Two cups joe.

100 pushups (25x4).

Arms of steel.

Butt in progress.

Love handles...don't ask.

Regards,
Mindy

Rock!

2 large coffees -- 1 large iced tea -- 2 Guinness with lunch.

LOADS of energy.

Question answered!
:D

Wow, a Saturday off for me!

But...gotta help my brother move. He better have pizza for me.

Coffee's in, I'm OOT!

Cheers,
Sally

I got home aboot 4 PM Saturday, went right to bed, and got up at 9 this morning. Musta been some sort of reverse caffeine vortex reaction.

Happy Monday!!!

OK then...

Happy Tuesday!!

ok then.

Happy Wednesday!

;)

What's your favorite tool?
I think I have to go with hammer.

Left-handed Monkey Wrench. Followed by the awl and the adz. All good for stirring coffee. Except for the adz.

Wait. You're a lefty?!

I prefer my electric screwdriver as a coffee stirrer.

No, not a lefty. Except for a few specific tasks. ;)

Actually, I like my coffee black, so no need to stir.

I also like Allen wrenches.

I just made a pitcher of tea with my Mr. Coffee Iced Tea Pot.

You people are freaks.

Freaks, I tell you. :-p

Takes one to know one.

:)

I want some Iced Tea. Why doesn't Mr. Tea make the Iced Tea machine?

He was too wiped out financially and worn out physically from the burden of all those gold chains to invent anything. :-p

Besides, it's just a Mr. Coffee coffee machine that's taller so the tea pitcher will fit under it. I'm sure that would have been copyright infringement of some sort.

"I pity the fool that disparages my fiduciary circumstances."

--Mr. T

I miss "The A-Team". Face was dreamy, Hannibal always had a plan, Murdock was a crazy fool, and B.A. Baracas could weld anything.

...sigh...

Drinkin my coffee now (thank you Joe Dimaggio) and I have today off. Laundry time!

Polio in 2 days!

Dear Rev,
Sometimes I feel like this train has left its tracks. Have we careened off the mountain and landed in rocky terrain?

Was Mr. T in Rocky? :)

Yo, Adrian!

I believe the T-man was in Rocky III (also known as Rocky Three or Rocky Eye Eye Eye).

Coffee on the rocks.

(ain't no big surprise):)

Why did Coffee on the rocks, make me think of the Neil Diamond classic?!

Now I've got Neil head. It's not a pleasant condition. I just downed two excedrin, but I can still hear him.

They're coming to America.....TODAY!

Remember Fizzies?

Did they have caffeine in em?

Wherefore art thou, p?

I'm here!! I didn't know if you still had a reason for living, so I was waiting on you.

;)

I'm drinking TEA -- what a coinky dink!
I don't think I know what Fizzies are.

do tell?

WHAAA?

You don't remember Fizzies?

Fizzies were like Alka-Seltzer for kids; cola, root beer, lemon-lime (and I think orange) flavored tablets that fizzed in water. Tho as I recall, it was fun to put a tab on one's tongue and let it foam away. I think they were discontinued cuz they contained cyclamates.

I guess that's why I'm an acid freek now.

Fizzies just weren't my thing. Now Pop Rocks I could hang with. Those and Pixy Stiks. And jello right out of the cupboard.

Unreconstituted jello is very similar to Pixy Sticks.

:)

How aboot Zotz?

They were quite effervescent too.

"Effervescent"...you should command that word be used in a thread.

Command?! LOL!

Zotz? I remember Jots. Is this a Midwest vs. California thing?

Favorite childhood candy?

Mine was Red Twizzlers. Not cherry, I think they were purported to be strawberry, but really they're just red.

Effervescent.

Zotz were a hard candy with fizzy powder in the center. You could suck it or bite it, and it would effervesce in your mouth.

Why does that sound weird?

Red is my favorite flavor. And green.

I'm pretty sure I never experienced Zotz.

What was that crappy gum my Grandma always had. Made your teeth turn black..
Black Jack! Ewwwww!

I like cards.

Goo morning!

I like gum.

Who wants gum? I do! I do!

Remember Razzles? "First it's a candy, then it's a gum"----WTF was THAT all aboot?

Oh Shite, I'm starting to sound like Seinfeld. Or Andy Rooney.

You guys are nuts!!!

:)

Aaaaccck! Andy Rooney!!!

I do remember Razzles! Lackluster candy, followed by a small piece of wimpy gum.

I want Spree.

Good N Plenty or Good N Fruity?

They still make Razzles, even though they suck. I saw some at the Dollar Tree!

Chewy Spree are the bomb, yo. Especially the grape ones.

Abba-Zabba

Bit-O-Honey

Big Cherry!

mmmmmmmmm.....

"William A. Mitchell, 92, a food scientist who invented Pop Rocks candy, died of congestive heart failure Monday in a Stockton care home.

Mitchell, who worked as a chemist for General Foods Corp. in White Plains, NY for 35 years until his retirement in 1976, held more than 70 patents, including inventions related to Cool Whip, quick-set Jell-O gelatin and the drink mix Tang.

Mitchell's most famous invention was Pop Rocks, the exploding candy that became a cultural phenomenon after it hit the market in 1975. He made the discovery accidentally when, while trying to design an instant soft drink, he put some sugar flavoring mixed with carbon dioxide in his mouth.

For years, Mitchell, who patented Pop Rocks in 1956, fought to dispel the myth that the carbonated candy was deadly if eaten while drinking carbonated drinks."

William A. Mitchell, we salute you!

mmmmpoprocksmmm

It's been many moons since I've delighted in the happy mouth of the Pop Rock. I can barely remember their popriffic flavors.

I suffer from the syndrome known as caffeinelessness.

And Mary cried.

There you is!

I think Pop Rocks came in the following flavours: red, purple, green and maybe something else. Orange? Nah, that's a color.

I'm havin a caff-feeny morn thus far. Not working til 4pm, and the fog burnt off early today (before 9!), so I'm gonna be oot there having fun in the warm California sun.

Word of the day: sacrosanct

I didn't abandon -- I was out of town.
And drunk.

:)

No alcohol for a month. Can I do it?! Will you be my sponsor?

Sacrosanctly and piously yours,
Ms. Poprock

A month? Self imposed or doctor's orders?

Heck, I'll join ya--I have a Dr. appointment in 2 weeks--I'll clean oot my system!

Abstinance.

Self imposed. :) Who needs alcohol when you're high on life?
I figure it'll make the not smoking go a little smoother too.

You don't even have to join me -- you can just pretend you are, and I'll feel better.

Ok luv, just remember:

1. You're good enough
2. You're smart enough
3. Doggone it, people like you!

I'm at work now, so I can't pretend to not drink, cuz I'm not drinking!

I wish I had a job that I could drink at; I'd win Employee of the Month.

There are a lot of frustrating things in life. Traffic, taxes, terminal illness... but you know what you don't have to stand for? Large pores. (If I hear this stupid commercial one more time I may kill someone.)

:)

Mornin Spankie!!

May they die a lingering death from clogged pores.

Personally, I'm having a problem with "freshness".

It is a continuing conundrum. How can I remain fresh when I continue to ripen? There ain't no flies on me.

Nor on Frank.

Rev -- do you Freak n Geek?

My 'puter at home is refusing to work--I'm at the liberry now.

Freak n Geek? The ex-TV show or the dance move? Sadly, I missed oot on both, tho I've heard good things. I'm still waiting for The White Shadow to return to TV Land.

Oh yeah, I got a Bob Schneider cd the other day, as he seems to be quite the fave here. The first song mentions sugar boogers, no wonder. Good stuff so far, tho.

I try to keep flies off both the frank and the beans.

Get your ass up to the liberry counter and see if they have the Freak N Geeks tv series for loan. It's really really goot. Really. I wouldn't lie.

I like Schneider a bit. Although I liked him best on SNL -- his movies kind of suck.

"Rob Schneider is a carrot! Derp de derp de derpity derp!"

Just checked the liberry catalog for FNG--no go. Might hafta try Ballbuster Video.

I think pixy hates me.

wha?! Pixy and hate do not belong in the same sentence. Why you say such nonsense?

Definitely check with the video stores -- it's worthy.

I was drinking Iced Coffee and Diet Coke simultaneously this morning, and yet I still feel like I need more. MORE! MOOOORREEE!

Hoody-doo! I'm at work now. My 'puter should be fixed so I can pick it up after werk.

I guess pixy don't hate me---just isn't madly in love, p'raps. I guess my tongue-in-the-ear greeting isn't a popular thing in Sandy Eggo County.

One more day, then 2 days off... I want a milkshake.

Hi p!

Headin oot to work in a few...7 days straight...good ting I like my job.

Gots tomorrow and Monday off tho, and that means just one thing...

laundry.

I have my pics back from my (my?) birthday shoe at Cheers. Will try to post em tonite.

I had coffee and toast w/p-nut butter for breakfast. I prefer Skippy Super Chunk. You?

I like jess. Think she'll go to the movies with me?

; )

jess?! jess who? Did you guys meet?

I haven't had Skippy in years. I'm a Jif Crunchy fan myself.
:)

uh...the only jess on the board. No we haven't met, but she pm'd me, which I thought was nice.

Or is jess a guy? Oh well, still a nice person, tho I guess the movies are oot.

She's a girl, silly. :) And a damn fine looking one too. I don't know aboot the whole dating a forum member thing though.. there have been a few disasters.

:)

s.p. Where are the pictures?!?!

:)

Don't sweat it; I ain't here to bag babes. T'ain't no good at it anyway. :)

s.p. (???): I pm'd you aboot the pictures.

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

I just re-reread this whole thread...classic literature at its finest!

We should write a newspaper column together!

Tea shades, mon.

What should we call our column? Will we be dispensing advice or just being wiseasses and using movie dialogue to further our cause?

I heard a story on NPR the other day that disturbed me. Did you know that much of Dance Hall music is homophobic? Not that I ever gave it a lot of thought, but it just seems wrong mon.

Well, you know them dance hall types...I think they protest a bit TOO much aboot the man-love, if ya know whut I mean.

I'm not sure what's worse, Beenie Man himself, or the fact that NPR gave the ignorant fuck free publicity by running that piece.
What kind of a dumb-ass name is Beenie Man, anyway?!

Personally I think Beanie Man is a classic name. It tells you everything you need to know about the fella right up front. 1.) he digs beans 2.) he's male 3.) he's not a boy.

:)
We're getting precariously close to 300 guys. Will there be a parade when we hit the magic number?

A parade? Nah. Parades are boring.
But if you wanna run around topless, screaming "Woo-hoo!", with 300 written in permanent marker on your chest, with the 3 being in your upper cleavage and the 0s around your areolae...
That'd be cool!
:D

Rob?! Mike? Who the hell posted that.

:|

Twernt me.

Tho it would be cool.

I think Steve should post #300, making him believe that he has the last word, then surprise him with a big cake and a pot of coffee.

ssshhhh....

Before I tell you who posted it, you have to tell me how you feel aboot the proposal. :D
Isn't it conveeeeeeenient that one can no longer mouse over the names & see the email addresses here?
Btw, the pictures still aren't here yet.
Wait... shit, umm... forget I said that.
:D:D

ROB! Insert spanking emotie here. :)
I WILL do as you suggested, however it will take place in the privacy of my home. Bill will likely think I've flipped my lid and have me committed. It's been nice knowing you guys.

:)

Roberto-That's NUTS! I mailed it last Wednesday? Thursday at the latest. The same day I mailed som to me Ma in MI. She got hers on Monday. Btw, I didn't send me Ma the same pics. ;)

Rev -- Your suggestion is duly noted. Now how long do you think it will take Poltz to find this thread?

HA! Poop on that Poltz dude -- I get to be #300!
Just be sure to tell Bill to take some pics of the momentous occasion before he hauls you off to the looney bin. And be sure he has my email address. ;)

I saw Collateral last night. It was 30 minutes too long and had plot holes you could drive my ass through. But at least Tom Cruise didn't suck.

Alert the media!!! Cruise didn't suck?!?

I think it's cute how Steve crushes on Cruise.

:D

Steve and Tommy sittin' in a tree, kay-eye-ess-ess-eye-en-gee...
I bet you get all glassy-eyed when THAT visual runs through your head! :-p

TACO BELL.

LOL! I have ONE little quirk and Rob just exploits the hell out of it.

:D

Spankie -- what's up with the non-sequiters today? Green onions?!
:)

ONE little quirk? Just ONE?
Rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

HEY!! Look who's talking!

(o)Y(o)

:D

Oh, has this become the place to be all of a sudden?

Hey, as long as there's coffee and boobies!

(^)Y(^)

I'M not the one who claimed to only have one quirk. :-p I'll readily admit that I'm more damaged than the average board member. Well... maybe not the average. There are a couple who make that number skew kinda high.

p, has thoust forsaken me?

Rev,

Yes.

:p

Goofball!! No. I've been super busy this week and I'm going out of town next week... But be warned. I'll be back.

:)

I'm all hepped up on Goof Balls.

This is my Monday post.

I went to the Dr. this morning, and my blood pressure is still good...the pee pills are working!

mmmm...Triscuits for breakfast! It must be Tuesday!

Hey p--I think it's working again!

I went oot for coffee this morning...think I'll go ootside and get some exercise in the warm California sun.

:0)

We're back. But I'm still gone -- I think I'll take a walk outside now.. The summer sun's chasing away the gray and I'm happy now... It's a sunshine day!! Everybody's smiling! It's a sunshine day!!

Clowns never laughed before, beanstalks never grew, ponies never shat before, til I met you.

Pills?! We don't need no stinking pills! We have the hot Poltz women to keep us going! :-p

I had breakfast at IHOP this morning. Eggs, hash browns and hotscakes...good, basic, reasonably priced. But the coffee was rather weak; didn't quite do the job. I was tired all day.

I had two HUGE cups of super strong coffee. Kept me pumped all the live long day. :)

Are hotscakes better than hotcakes? Are they more hot?

Hotscakes are made in Hootersville. They are made by the very hot Mrs. Oliver Wendell Douglas.

I have tomorrow and Saturday off--I'm going to Santa Barbara tomorrow. I don't think they make hotscakes there. If they do, they have arugula and other very tiny leafy things on them.

Nothin goes better with coffee than a shot of Solarcaine. Keeps yer insides from burning.

"Hey Poltz! I need a 98 pounder!"

A Saturday off!

Gotta give my friend Bill some money...Phone Bill, Gas Bill, Cable Bill, etc.

But I've had my coffee.

Yo, p!

Sup?

Word.

The Honorable Rev!

Hey there! Got back to work today and found my desk piled high with crap. Will have more time to play soon I'm sure. :)

Did you movie this weekend? Any new caffeine adventures to report? We barely left the house -- too busy watching some of the SCTV boxed set.

Soooo any chance of you flying east for a Living Room show?

p-diddy!

Yeah, I saw Maria Full of Grace---very intense, subtitles, unknowns acting, two snaps up...they'll prolly remake it with J-Ho or Hosie Perez.

SCTV?!?!?!!! DOOD!!! 5 Neat Guys, The Shmenge Bros (CABBAGE ROLLS AND COFFEE!), Edith Prickley, Tex & Edna Boil's Organ Emporium, The Fishin Musician, Sammy Maudlin, Bobby Bittman, Lola Heatherton, Count Floyd, Earl Camembert, Ed Grimley, Dr. Tongue's 3-D House of Stewardesses, Mrs. Falbo's Tiny Town, Farm Film Report, Bob n Doug, Perini Sclerosa, Guy Caballero...ah, memories!

I GOTS to get me a DVD player!

I'd love to go back to Virginny...my sister lived in Fairfax Co for awhile...alas, fundage is low--I work in one of those weeny helping people jobs that don't pay much.

Have the next 2 days off...woo-hoo! Can drink coffee at mey leisure!

You absolutely have to get yourself a DVD player. Go to Wal-mart. The last one we picked up was only $42!

I understand aboot crap paying jobs. I live in Virginia. "Right to work state."

W H A T E V E R.

Enjoy your coffee!! I dare you to throw some Reese's Pieces in your coffee.

I don't have any Reece's Pieces. Will a spoonful of Skippy or Jif do?

I think that'd be splendid. I forgot to specify my peanut butter preference, and Bill bought me Peter Pan Creamy.

EWwwwwWWWwwwwww!

Hey p, I think it would be a hoot if I prank-called Steve in the middle of your LRC.

What is the sound of one Rev spanking?

:0(

Post number 333 here!

Just aboot 1/3 of the way to 1000!

P, you and me against the world!

I've decided to make today an all caffeine day. I'm starting with iced coffee and I'm making a half gallon of iced tea to take to work with me. I'll supplement the dinner hour with Red Bull and have an espresso to top off the evening.

It's a lofty goal, but I think I'm up to the challenge. If I'm still alive tomorrow, I'll post my findings.

What's in your wallet?

David Spade must die.

You said, "What's in your wallet?" David Spade is now a whore for Capital One. If you have not seen that commercial, consider yourself blessed.

Yeah, but "Joe Dirt" still rocks fairly consistantly. I think it's his only role that he ISN'T a fastidious little faygala.

I like vodka.

I like that commercial. :| I even kind of like David Spade. Have you seen his work on Eight Simple Rules? ;)

Fuck all y'all.

:D

I love vodka. And I really love Red Headed Sluts. Dare you to order one up next time yer oot at a pub...
Rob -- it's like one of your red pops but with alcohol! Yum!

a)I like David Spade about as much as I like it when I go commando and a stray pube gets caught in my zipper.
b)Don't make promises you're not going to keep, Dana! ;-)
c)I'm no slut, but if I'm red-headed, will you love me anyway? :-D
d)I just had a bottle of Big Red today. It was fab crab.

It's the last day of August. What's everyone gonna be for Hallowe'en?

I'm gonna be a ghost. Or a sports bra.

I'm going to be a bitch for Halloween. Or Julia Child.

Or a Cialis salesperson.

Or a Big Red Headed Slut.

I need more TEA!

So P-diddle, should I call ya when the LRC's goin on, or do you want to call me?

I'll be likkered and coffeed up.

I'll pretend I'm Hank Hill.

You'd better call us... I have a tendancy to be a spazz when the affair is going down. We're in the book. ;)

Kewl...is it listed under "Pertussin" or the hubby's name?

I love a tendency to spazz in a woman.

:D

I'm a modern woman. But I DID take my husbands name, in essence killing my branch of the family tree. However, since we're not breeding, we killed the hubsters branch too.

D'uh

I'll pm you. ;)

And since I brought up breeding -- holy hoo has! Alan Keyes has got some enormous king sized bowling balls.

I don't hate many, and I don't hate early, but DAMN that man can suck my left tit.

Alan Keyes is just proof that the Illinois Republican party is full of idiots, that they pay no attention to anything that happens outside of Chicago, AND that they have no idea how full of racist rednecks their state really is. To paraphrase my father: "Why do we need a n***** who's not even FROM here running for Senate?"

:rolleyes:

May I attend to the right one, please, Dana??? :-)

It's good to know you have an enlightened father Rob!! LOL!

and HEY! You're mighty fresh lately! :D

Yeah, he's about as enlightened as the state of Florida after a hurricane.

And well, you know... no one else is speaking to me any more, so... you catch the brunt of it. Sorry. :-p

Illinois Nazis.

I hate Illinois Nazis.

But I'm sure yer pop's otherwise ok.

No apologies necessary. It makes me laugh. Nada never flirts with me anymore.

:p

We went to the Philly Pizza Co. and ordered some hot tea.

The waitress said, "Well, no, we only have it iced."

So we jumped up on the table and shouted "Anarchy!"

And someone played a Beach Boys song on the juke box.

It was "California Dreamin'", and so we started screamin', on such a Winter's day.

What the L?

The Rev slipped off his tracks!

:)

From "Punk Rock Girl" by The Dead Milkmen.

Choo-choo!!!!

Crap -- we stalled on the tracks!

How was your weekend Rev? Any exciting caffeine dreams to share?

Lots of caffeine in the Rum n cokes I consumed last nite. Good thing I'm off today.

Dude, you're off EVERY day. Who are you kidding? ;)
I think I OD'd on caffeine last night/this morning. My brain is still running circles around the inside of my head.
4 "Jet-Alert" (800 mg caffeine) + 4 Excedrin Tension Headache (incl. 260 mg caffeine) + 20 oz. Mountain Dew Code Red (?) = woo-hoo!!!

Frag, you forgot the Pop Rocks and Jolt Cola.

Hey suess!! That's altogether too much caffeine. Did yer heart ever resume its normal beat?

See Rob?! You DO do drugs. :)

Jolt tastes like shite. I'll stick to the Dew.

I crashed from the caffeine about the time I got to work yesterday afternoon. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest. And yet I'm still alive. Dammit.

I had Gardenburger Meatless Riblets for dinner last night. Surprisingly tasty!

Tho I don't think they needed to use the Popsicle sticks as a bone substitute.

Where the p are you, fuck?

Had my coffee...next up...LAUNDRY!!

Frag, my CPR cert expired...wish I could help ya oot.

I'm right here! Work's been busy and I've been uninspired. Although you'd think I could have found something to comment on when you mention a morningstar product. :)
I've never tried the riblets. I almost broke a tooth on "chicken" patty of theirs and have stuck with the fake versions of beef products since.

Do you iron?

Yes, I do iron.

However, my job does not require cloz that need ironing.

Therefore, the next time I iron will only be if I go to a wedding, a funeral, or on a date.

I have no idea where my iron is.

I come down firmly on the side of not ironing. Kind of. I HATE to iron. There's no concrete reason for it, and I hate to be wrinkled... maybe I need to work through this.

What job doesn't require ironing?!

Coal miner
Grave digger
Nude model
Bicycle repairman
Homeless advocate
Amateur pirate
Assistant fluffer
Gas passer

You're a PIRATE?!!

That ROCKS!

Are you more of a Captain McAllister or a Captain Jack Sparrow?

:D

I was gonna say porn star.

Or Steve Poltz.

:)

I'm more of Willie Stargell type of Pirate.

Yep, I'm still here.

I'm having a craving for Mountain Dew today. What is THAT about?

:)

Uhhhh... it means you miss me? ;)

Stoopid fucking Tramadol.

And yes I do! You've been so quiet lately.
Several hours later and I still want Mountain Dew. Diet of course. I can't stand the taste of soda with sugar anymore.

Mountain Dew? P.U.!
It's more like Mountain DOO-DOO!
You like my haiku?

uhhh

Haiku travesty
Rev. Spankalot is bad man
Grant him amnesty?

So where are my fellas?
We're adopting a puupy for our anniversary this weekend. :)

If the one we want is still available, she's adorable... Pics to come.

Jeff is majorly excited.

:)

I like puppies.

Naturally caffeinated. Uh, by that I mean that they act like their buzzin on coffee all the time, not that you can drink them.

Happy Anniversary!!! I'll send a HoneyBaked Ham! (that commercial was just on, that's why I mentioned it)

I love the smell of p in the morning. It smells like coffee.

Wurrdafukarrya??

Whoops! hahah! I thought it was your turn. :D

Solly Charlie.

No puppy. :(

Did you have a nice weekend?

Yeah, purty good. My fantasy foobah team is 2-0. Good thing I've played sucky teams so far.

I just ate a big salad with bloo cheez crumbles and orange flavered cranberries. Yum. I hope that doesn't make me less manly in your eyes. I'll bag me a dead animal later.

No puppy? Bummer!

I'm a veghead!! I love that you didn't kill nothing that breathes for your supper. :)

Actually, I'm a pescatarian and I jest ingested a piece of seafood pizza that was exquisite.

I don't eat anything that has a face. Except fish. Then I'm all over it! LOL!
Who's on your Fantasy Foosball team?

I've never had the patience to read the rules, thus no Fantasy for me. I'll just thow my hat on the Pat's and the Lion's and hope something sticks.

Among others on my fantasy team:

P Manning
M Faulk
P Price
Pats Defense
C Dillon
D Givens
Q Morgan
J Bettis
C Palmer

and I renamed my team Stupid Sexy Flanders.

p, oh p, come play with me
The rev he is so lone-el-lee
Oh p, ms p, oh can't you see
This is my only hob-bob-bee.

Who is bob?

I am SOOO ready for the weekend!

This week sucked. :)

I'm workin all this weekend, but I'm going to the desert next weekend!! Yippee!!

Wanna come?

What does one do in the desert?

Are there snakes? Scorpions? Restrooms with running water?

:D

In the daytime, we drink beer and splash around in the pool.

In the nighttime, we drink beer and tequila, splash around in the pool, sit on top of a dune to watch the mountains turn color, eat, drink, go on night hikes, listen to the coyotes howl, sing and dance, and drink.

Never have seen a snake there. Scorpions glow in the dark if ya flash a black light on em.

Full indoor lavatory facilities. Poolside shower for the daring. Nobody's daring.

Are we hoarding antibiotics again?

:)

That doesn't sound half bad Rev! Hope you have a wonderful time and don't get attacked by any scorpions.

Yup, 'sgonna be fun.

Cept it's right near the San Andreas Fault and we had a quake this morning (tho a couple hundred miles north of where I'll be).

EEP!

I'm back!

My sister died because of Amoxicillin. Fuck you.

Cialis is deadly poison. Get the hell out of Poltzland!

Dammit p, where are you?

I need help defending myself against these phamaceuticals!!!

Vioxx Viagra Casino Information now available online at www.poltz.com!

Achy engorged penis blackjack player seeks good music and good times.

Heh. So what were we talking aboot when we were so rudely interrupted?
How was the desert? Or alternately dessert? I like apple pie.

mmmpiemmm

I could really go for some hair pie right about now. Sank you veddy much.

What the fuck are robster craws?

P, the desert was fab...I'll try to post a pic or 2.

Hola Mr. Spankola
If you drink Cola you will surely live a long and healthy life.

Is it just me, or does the "comments" count fluctuate all the time?

I think I'm losing my card counting skills.

You're not imagining things, Dana. Well... at least not that. Someone apparently comes along once in a while and deletes those stOOpid spammers' comments. That rocks.

Seasonale?

Christ, that has enough sodium to kill a walrus.

Next!

I am the walrus.

Stiffy-Mart: for the widest selection of boner pills online.

call 1-800-WOODROW

Shut the fuck up, Donny!

They're Pinky and The Brain
Yes, Pinky and The Brain
One is a genius;
The other's insane
They're laboratory mice
Their genes have been spliced
They're Pinky, they're Pinky and The Brain Brain Brain Brain.....

Is that political commentary?

I feel like vomiting.

Hi P!

Long time no see...sorry I've been away, but I was hanging oot at the Starland Vocal Band board and the chicks there are really horny, or maybe I just seem extremely manly there in comparison.

PM me if you read this, if'n ya want.

Hugs,
Rev