October 31, 2005

sewing machine


Happy Halloween everybody. I love you all. In a brotherly kind of way.

This is a song I made up because Bob Schneider gave me the title of Sewing Machine for our songwriting game. So the other morning this story sort of popped in to my head and I wrote away. Then I took it to A.J. Croce and he came up with some neato chords for me to sing it to so we recorded it at his house.


Sewing Machine

Well he lives in a hole in a tree
He’s much much smaller than me
He lures the children up for spider tea
He’s buzzy as a bumblebee
His fingernails have all turned black
His nose is like an old smokestack
Steam leaves his ears and when the smoke clears
You’ll see that you can’t go back
he says his name is Jack Bevil
his voice is as screetchy as a weasel
he’ll sew you up to the wall in a long dark hall
he’s got a bunch of kids sewn to an easel
at least a 100 kids sewn to an easel

s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-sewing machine
he sews the kids together and his teeth (skin is) are green
you can’t scratch an itch, your eye can barely twitch
he’s a mean old man with a sewing machine

well the parents tell the kids “don’t go in the woods”
there’s a scary scary man who isn’t good
little Mary didn’t listen as hard as she could
now she’s sewn to the wall in a hood
she’s got a brother with a hook for an arm
from an accident that happened on the farm
his name is Ben he doesn’t have any friends
all the children made fun of his arm

Little Ben scratched his itch with his hook
And got an idea while reading a book
He welded scissors to his hook
Where his hand used to be
And said,”I’ll search for my sister down by the brook”
Little Ben walked deep in to the f-f-f-forest
And all the owls started singing in a c-chorus
“be careful little boy when you go around the pass
there’s a gargoyle in a hood named Boris”
well Ben climbed into the cave in the ground
it was c-cold and so far down
it was dark and hard to see but he screamed for Mary
and he kept going down down down
when he got to the bottom of the cave
he felt like he was in a big grave
there were kids sewn to the walls
and down all the halls
that he knew he had to save
he cut the children down just like he was a crook
using the scissors on the end of his hook
as the kids broke free
they were screaming with glee
saying, “Ben you are the man”

Well Jack Bevil was as angry as a snake
He jumped out of a big black cake
He grabbed Ben by his coat
and with his hands around his throat
his evil body started to sh-sh-shake
Jack Bevil fell to the ground
And his tears fell all around
He said,” I’m sorry I kept you here
I was lonely without cheer
And no one talks to me in this town”
well Jack Bevil sits alone in his cell
but when they ring the jailhouse bell
little Ben will come to see him
even though they’ll never free him
he sews clothes for half the town in his cell
he ‘s making friends by mending clothes from his cell

s-s-s-s-s-sewing machine
he sews clothes for all the kids but his skin’s still green
he can’t scratch an itch
his eye has a twitch
he’s a lonely old man with a sewing machine
he’s making new friends with his sewing machine

Posted by steve at October 31, 2005 8:07 AM


That rules!

I'm gonna have it on repeat all day at my desk!


Posted by: carence at October 31, 2005 9:09 AM

The sewing sound effects are GROSS!! Nicely done son!!


Posted by: Pincushion Pertussin at October 31, 2005 9:31 AM


I saw a Fresca commercial this morning, and the first thing I thought of was your testicles. That felt wrong. And yet, I laughed.

Posted by: Frag at October 31, 2005 9:33 AM

Just the thing to put the little ones to bed by. ( Melanie said the mandolin was better than a Barbie!) ¿Hay algunas mas canciónes tan bonita en español para los niños?

Posted by: Kevin Wilson at October 31, 2005 9:40 AM

nice painting.
i will play this today as i sew my little heart out.

Posted by: sparklies at October 31, 2005 10:17 AM

Sweet, it's finally here, thanks.

Posted by: Shay at October 31, 2005 11:39 AM

Now that I've listened to the song...

There's something wrong with you.

And I like it. :-)

Posted by: Frag at October 31, 2005 12:07 PM

The whole neighborhood was treated to this during trick or treating tonight :)

Posted by: Shay at October 31, 2005 7:37 PM

poltzergeists excite!

Posted by: marilyn shuster photography at October 31, 2005 9:16 PM

this is nuts, and's fantasticly nuts!

Posted by: mywiena at November 1, 2005 11:41 AM

Perfect scary bedtime story . I'll read these lyrics and scare the Dicken's out of my child. You truly are a genius.

Posted by: Rebecca Hahn at November 2, 2005 9:19 AM

Funny, funny, funny as hell. I love it!

Posted by: Danne at November 2, 2005 1:27 PM

That is a perfectly scary little tune. Is this what catholic school does for one's imagination? If so, why did I convince my parents that catechism once a week was all the catholicism that I needed? Bravo Stevo on an instant classic and my condolences on the Padre's post season.

Posted by: Greg at November 2, 2005 5:28 PM

They played this on a local Radio Station here in San Diego (assuming you are somewhere else) called 91x (91.1) a rock station on halloween. I loved it right away and I'm going to make a book of it for my kids. It's fantastic. Great job.

Posted by: khoury at November 2, 2005 8:43 PM

you should give a copy of this to Tim Burton.

I like it alot!

Posted by: Springer at November 3, 2005 3:47 PM

Cool... Hats off to you and AJ!! I'll share with Kyle! Hey, can't wait to here the song you have coming up for Mr. Turkey! Lol...


Posted by: Mark at November 4, 2005 2:09 PM

I downloaded this last weekend and have been throughly enjoying it ever since.

Well done Steve just another fine example of your sheer brilliance

Posted by: Rossco at December 11, 2005 5:40 AM

Fabulous! I love the sewing machine sound (way different than that "grunge sound" that happened in Seattle in the 90's) I can't wait to have kids and play this for them.. that, and the "hard to find" Marylin Manson Christmas Album so dear to my heart. Peace,Love, cheer! fred van vactor

Posted by: fred van vactor at December 23, 2005 10:21 AM

Hey Steve!!! That is almost cooler then Hitchhiker Joe!! To bad you didnt have sound effects in my house!! Hope you make more songs for me to enjoy ( of course you will).
Hope to see you soon!


Posted by: Kenzie ( Sharon's niece) at January 22, 2006 2:58 PM

available now!
Chinese Vacation
available now!
check out some tracks here
Digital Video Disc
Live at the Basement
Sydney, Australia

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