September 18, 2006

Is that a turd or a pickle?

The sky was raining turds and Wal Mart had no umbrellas to protect against this sort of thing. Turds were dropping like pickles from the heavens above, shattering windshields and making a lot of unecessary paperwork for insurance companies everywhere. Corporate was beginning to get really angry because their annual budget for the company getaway to a nude resort in Aruba was being severely slashed. People wanted some sort of assurance that the turds would stop falling from the sky. That's where I come in- ya see; I used to play a little sand lot ball when I was a kid and I've been told by several truck stop waitresses that I have pretty nice hands.
So I guess I'm going to go to the cities listed above as some sort of a modern day court jester/troubadour. I will juggle turds and sing sea chanteys to the those in need of crisis counseling. If you don't see your city listed above then please tell me where the turds are dropping from your vantage point and I will try to be there to save the day. Just a simple suggestion or prodding will do. For instance: "Steve, will you please come to Canada? Toronto to be specific. Why do you neglect the country of your birth?" Then I will point my lovely managers, lawyers and booking agent in your direction to get the ball of turd
rolling along.
Life is too long to not do what you want,
Me (Steve) (Joe) (Josh) (Poltz)
P.S. The Padres are back in first for a day

Posted by steve at September 18, 2006 3:52 PM


please come to san francisco. there is poo falling from the sky and you haven't been here in way too long.

Posted by: jim at September 18, 2006 6:02 PM

Yes, you have very nice hands but what about that hair? Is this some blast from the past? You lookin' retro. I think I need some acid and more poo.

Posted by: Lisa at September 18, 2006 6:21 PM

Steve, we want you to come to Seattle or Bellingham or Everett- a little further North than Portland! Please! Carefull with the turd catching in the great, wet, NW- Soggy poo is a definate euwh!

Posted by: Christie at September 18, 2006 8:12 PM

temecula is covered in turds. They have a great new venue there. The knitters played there a few months ago.

Posted by: bil at September 18, 2006 10:29 PM

turd, turd definitely, definitely a turd.
it's not a pickle, fried or not!

"that's incredible!" [in unison with fran tarkenton and john davidson] that turds, chilEs, and denim shirts came up in a HILARIOUS conversation this weekend.

btw, your prenda del alma is absolutely lovely (thanks frag).

yours in christ,
cathy lee crosby

p.s. your hair habits affect some of us, but i'm moved to say that i think you look more and more like dennis hopper.

p.p.s. there are PLENTY of turds along the u.s-mex border.

Posted by: cathy lee crosby at September 18, 2006 11:11 PM

hey steve,
what's wrong with idaho? do you hate us?

Posted by: diane at September 18, 2006 11:39 PM

yes. i am fran tarkenton.
s why i'm coming to minnesota.

Posted by: steverino at September 18, 2006 11:41 PM

London's calling.

Posted by: rayonqueen at September 19, 2006 12:26 AM

Why are Chicago and Cleveland in there twice? Am I missing something?

Posted by: Frag at September 19, 2006 5:59 AM

p.s.: I'm rather afraid to design a bumper sticker for the Catch a Falling Turd Tour.

Posted by: Frag at September 19, 2006 6:01 AM

You should have knocked on wood after you wrote this blog. Your pops must be proud of his Doger blue.


Posted by: dolfinldy at September 19, 2006 7:16 AM

Spelling properly would be helpful...
It's DODGER, damn it!

Posted by: dolfinldy at September 19, 2006 7:22 AM

what do mean chi and cleve twice frag?
are you on the wacky tobacky?
i don't know what you're talking 'bout.
crank caller crank caller!
make me some freakin' stickers dammit.

Posted by: steverino at September 19, 2006 8:57 AM

That's a pickle. You wouldn't touch a turd without gloves on.

Let's make wishes on fallin' dills.


Posted by: tussy at September 19, 2006 10:09 AM

I love you Steve! Come back to Portland!!! Come back to Elkton! Come back and play at my house and play Eugene Oregon at: Sam Bonds Garage!!! I'll bring the entire roller derby squad!

Posted by: fred van vactor at September 19, 2006 10:55 AM


THANK YOU...this has been a public service announcement.


Posted by: mindy hertzon at September 19, 2006 1:32 PM

florida? you say?
didn't you guys fix the election?
that really was some turds falling from the chad sky.
maybe i should go there and straighten things out.

Posted by: steverino at September 19, 2006 2:16 PM

Yes indeedy, you do have lovely hands, and I too, am a diner waitress. PDX was a great (and long) show, but enjoyable and impressive every darn tootin' minute. Thanks for keeping it real and fun and real funny.
peace and hair grease,

Posted by: Mo at September 19, 2006 4:57 PM

Yo, bro! You're down Tucson way at the end of your tour so why not swing back up Phoenix way and give us another reason to be heartbroken when you leave? We're all in therapy and needing EMDR between encounters, so keep the insurance providers rolling in Christmas money and let us love on you again. I'm personally buyin' lunch, dinner, coffee, etc., if you'll take the offer. No kidding. And I'll play you my version of Impala so you can laugh all the way back to SD. Whadya say? It's not a marriage proposal type of commitment from your fans here, just a request. PLLLLEEEZZZEEE?!

Thanks for remembering us, dude...


Posted by: Impala Bruce at September 19, 2006 7:16 PM

That picture is awesome! Get it on t-shirts and posters and such for the rest of the 2006 tour merch.

p.s. Please come to Port Washington (after 10/20) or Missoula before then

Posted by: karen lee at September 20, 2006 8:22 PM

Poltz...Flan here...I am going on tour with you..let me know some dates after the baseball season...the Pads are playing great and I am headed to join them on the road....flan

Posted by: tim flannery at September 27, 2006 1:23 PM wasn't "Toronto to be specific". It was London. Ontario. Down the 401 from Toronto. Just said we'd missed you in T.O. when you and that randy chick Jewel played there. Please re-read the email, then come to London. Wife says its still okay to stay at our place if you walk the dog.

Posted by: steve at September 27, 2006 8:53 PM

available now!
Chinese Vacation
available now!
check out some tracks here
Digital Video Disc
Live at the Basement
Sydney, Australia

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