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August 25, 2007

My Days As A Folksinger

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k krainz photography

Hi There,
My name is Steve Poltz. I play and sing songs in your living room. That's what it's come down to. Your living room or laundry room. If you have cats or dogs then let me know so I can take a pill and save my wheezing weak lungs from further stress. Please submit your application below. I like chocolate cake and iced tea and cookies. Chocolate chip cookies with nuts in them. I used to play in big arenas and fly on jets. Now I sleep in a van and rent cars and eat at your house. When you go to work I try on your girly clothes and take photos of myself wearing them. The people seem to like this sort of activity.

When I was a child in Catholic school I stuttered and had excema and asthma. I don't know how to spell exzema so now I'll try it this way.

Oh Cripes! It's eczema. Dammit. I hate it when I screw things up. It makes me want to hit me in the face.

My favorite President of The USA was F.D.R.

I like sleeping and dreaming.

Best,
Steve


Posted by steve at August 25, 2007 1:23 PM

Comments

Dear Steve,
I'm thinking about a dreamwork group in my living room this week. There's a strange little new yorker here in Taipei that will lead it. I think if it's a good one then I'll invite you to the living room...better yet the balcony and you can sing to the construction workers banging up the new building across from our apartment. No worries about eczema (thanks fro the spelling) and asthma--we have it all here in Taipei, Taiwan.
great black and whites you funny freak,
L.

Posted by: llynskyn at August 25, 2007 5:32 PM

I have cats. But I promise to have choc cake and cookies...maybe even some with nuts cuz I like you just that much! I'm giving all my girly things to a friend to hang onto for safe-keeping. Thanks for the warning!

Posted by: Traci at August 25, 2007 6:04 PM

Brother Steve: Nice to get some recent posts from you! I'm closing on my house in mid-to-late October and there's a nice clubhouse with pool and even a small mini-golf course. I plan on luring you back out to Phoenix sometime for a clubhouse show with as many of your fan base as I can cram in. It'll be in the town of Gilbert, which is really like north Tucson and perhaps you can get a two-fer in. I'll have a three bedroom home with lots off open space, and you'd be welcome to stay. There's gonna be a cool vaulted ceiling from which you could swing like Ted Nugent. I don't have any women's clothing but my sweetheart might loan some if it would make you feel more at home. Just a thought. I love to cook and make the best blueberry buckwheat pancakes you've never tasted. I'll keep the placed stocked with cookies n' milk to fill your soul, and there are no animals to clog your membranes. BTW, my sweetie n' me have placed little trinkets in the framework as the walls were going up, and there's one of your trailer stickers embedded near my front door. We have pix to prove we're crazy for you. Remember, you sealed the deal when I was invited on stage at Rhythm Room. No turning back my brother. Peace on the road.

Bruce

Posted by: Impala Bruce at August 25, 2007 11:32 PM

I'm glad to see you corrected your own spelling before I got here. Mostly because I would've had to look it up myself, and it's just not as much fun correcting people that way. ;-) And just for the record, I'm getting a brand new house pretty soon. There'll even be a spare bedroom. You think Frankton's out in the middle of nowhere...

Posted by: Frag at August 26, 2007 4:56 AM

I love a man who wears a hat. :)

I had a funny dream aboot you and the assorted nutcases I've met through you last night. Good times.

When do you want to come east again?
Love you!

Anaday

ps. Great pics Karen!

Posted by: ms p at August 26, 2007 7:48 AM

I make a mean chocolate cake from scratch. I'll have to do that some time...maybe when you have an Austin show but not at my house. Maybe I'll make cupcakes that will travel better too.

Posted by: lkay at August 26, 2007 8:04 AM

I love you and miss you bunches. If you ever come back to my state you can play here. I will even kill my dog that way you don't have to pop any pills. I also have deer in my back yard, they are friendly and will eat out of your hand. I named one of them after you. Sometimes when I see on your website that you are touring everywhere but in my neck of the woods I get upset. So upset that I start yelling and screaming at Steve the deer.

Posted by: handkusp at August 26, 2007 7:14 PM

s
i would rather listen to you than anybody else in a large venue .....be it in my or another music lover's livingroom, laundryroom, garage, or bathroom for that matter!

your house concerts are full of heart.

xo
m

looking forward to pb&j and cookies with nuts at my house.....

Posted by: sheloveshoney at August 26, 2007 7:18 PM

s
i would rather listen to you than anybody else in a large venue .....be it in my or another music lover's livingroom, laundryroom, garage, or bathroom for that matter!

your house concerts are full of heart.

xo
m

looking forward to pb&j and cookies with nuts at my house.....

Posted by: sheloveshoney at August 26, 2007 7:20 PM

Steve,
Come on up to Temecula, Dinners on us. You don't even have to sing any songs. Your off beat conversation is all we ask for.
Bill

Posted by: bill at August 26, 2007 7:33 PM

You're my hero.

Posted by: mlee at August 26, 2007 8:08 PM

I am making choc chip cookies w/ walnuts for the guys at work on Monday- come on by for a few samples- I will keep the cat outside- we have a music room at the club house with 5 getires and Tim Flannery on cd-
See you around the baseball field-
deb

Posted by: deb mc at August 26, 2007 9:15 PM

Dear SJJP,
I and the rest of Harrah, Oklahoma would love for you to visit my living room. I do have one dog, but he's cool with folk music. If you come you can get iced tea and a cake of your very own and if you don't want to be singled out of the crowd in the form of chocolate icing we can get the baker to put "This is just a cake" along with the date so you know it's fresh. So you should come out to Harrah, Oklahoma where the fabulous Waner brothers called home before their enshrinement into the baseball hall of fame and where former western actor Tim Holt set up his homestead after he left "the biz". Steve Poltz can play anywhere, but why not play somewhere where the Dollar stores outnumber the stoplights 3 to 1?

- Shaeffer

Posted by: Shaeffer Holt at August 26, 2007 9:19 PM

holy moly! i didn't expect to get so many applications. from taipei to oklahoma ti indiana to temecula and even a deer beiing named after me. i like the thought of someone yelling at me in their backyard. stve the deer. you don't have to kill your dog though. michael vick will do it for you. oops- did i say that?
s

Posted by: steverino at August 27, 2007 7:20 AM

steven,
for the record, i yell at you ALL the time in my backyard. (moreso lately for the same reasons as handcusp). the lizards and tortoises love it. word of "poltz" spreads quickly in this manner.

~d.

p.s. you're such a pimp for nutty cookies and chocolate cake. ;) hilarious hyperglycemia.

ciao!

Posted by: db cooper at August 27, 2007 8:50 AM

Okay Steve since everyone else on the world wants you to come to their town. I will up the bet. I see you a chocolate cake and ice tea with a bakers dozen of fresh baked cookies. And raise you one hair cut! Please come back to new england. Plane tickets every month to far away places gets expensive. I hate you, I love you, please don't go away...

Posted by: handkusp at August 27, 2007 1:30 PM

Okay Steve since everyone else on the world wants you to come to their town. I will up the bet. I see you a chocolate cake and ice tea with a bakers dozen of fresh baked cookies. And raise you one hair cut! Please come back to new england. Plane tickets every month to far away places gets expensive. I hate you, I love you, please don't go away...

Posted by: handkusp at August 27, 2007 1:30 PM

I have a bikini that's calling your name!
Uh oh, who's dreaming now!?
yeah, that would be me.
LOL!!

Posted by: mindy hertzon at August 27, 2007 2:20 PM

alice makes a mean flourless chocolate cake.
it's very rich, very chocolately, and very delicious.
but we do have a cat...

Posted by: jaanie at August 27, 2007 6:37 PM

Tapei, Oklahoma, Indiana, Temecula...and don't forget Portland, Orygun. My home is not exactly a big arena but you do get to fly up on a jet. Oh and speaking of jets, I have THE BEST stories ;-)

Posted by: traci at August 27, 2007 7:10 PM

Steve,

I remember way back when...Or I could harken...I think someone like Wilford Brimley (circa oatmeal days) prefers to harken. But I am not him, so it goes...Anyway, I remember in the late nineties seeing you play gigs out in the parking lot of Lou's Records and also in the parking lot of what was then 95.7 or 94.9 or 92.1 Radio in Carlsbad. I wish I could remember the station name...It was just a blip in time. I came to see you with my little sis and we were sitting next to Ashley McIssaac (sp?!) the whole time without even knowing it. We were that transfixed on your tunes and your stories. He was eating a brownie and some lady yelled at him for stealing her spot next to the parking lot tree while she got up to talk with Elizabeth Hummel (who was just there and not playing). I remember when your set was done, Mike Halloran was giving you a hard time in jest, telling you to "peddle your crap somewhere else Poltz." You had the half-sad joker's smile of an old-world Italian man just having learned his sausage factory had burned down. Anyway, in a sense, the small times are always the more memorable ones, no? Yes. Cookies help too.

- Jason

Posted by: Jason at August 28, 2007 7:01 PM

Dear Mr. Poltz,

Do you have a song or four about sleeping in a van in a forest to a cricket and toad lullaby with a non-annoying babbling brook and a smiling one-eyed moon? I would like that.

Susan

Posted by: Susan at August 28, 2007 7:30 PM

papa smurf,
i just had to come back and share with you that i had a 'steve poltz' moment this weekend that involved a squeeling pig....NO JOKE!

on this ranch in gorgeous central coast wine country lived a HUGE pot-belly pig named 'molly by golly.' she was adorable...did i say she was HUGE! her teats nearly dragged the ground. i felt sad for her initially, but ya know, she's probably been photographed more than cindy crawford. she and i hit it off! she came straight for me flexing her snout...when i reached over to pet her, she SQUEELED SO LOUD in excitement, it startled me and *i* whooped (b/c you know how soft-spoken i am). this prompted molly to let out a ROARING SQUEEL as she shook her head and turned quickly toward me.

this is where YOU come in...here i am, with a startled pig acting like linda blair in the exorcist and i thought of you scaling trees in the ansel adams wilderness with a knife between your teeth squeeling like a pig. that DID happen, right? ;)

if you stuck around long enough to read this entire "post," i'm flattered...

i hope you are doing fabulous and not getting stuck in bridge pose.

Posted by: db cooper at August 28, 2007 7:44 PM

sjjp-
wow, everyone else has set the bar pretty high, but....
i'll match the homemade chocolate chip cookies with nuts and the iced tea. i have a triple-chocolate cake (with chocolate ganache) recipe that hasn't been used in waaaay too long. since fall is coming up, i'll throw in some pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, and there's hdtv for watching hbo on demand and the playoffs (go tribe!!!). i make an excellent breakfast, and i'll even throw in some chocolate chip-cherry scones for the road.
there are cats, but i have a well-stocked allergy kit! and i'll give up the big comfy bed, just 'cause i'm polite. i'll even put on the 300 thread count sheets.
so will you come back to cleveland now?
snrsr

Posted by: shannon at August 29, 2007 4:48 PM

I'm wiring up a testicular shock device to that swinging chandelier, which will emit an intermittent pulse wave via the front doorbell...on Halloween night. And, boy, do we have kids aplenty.

; )

Bruce

Posted by: Impala Bruce at August 29, 2007 8:51 PM

as long as you still rub patchouli oil on your balls and i can stick my hands down your pants...you can eat at my house. no cats or dogs here. i'm allergic as well. off to sleep (and hopefully dream...about patchouli oiled balls).

Posted by: april from indy at August 29, 2007 9:01 PM

ummm. i like all these comments except the one about patchouli on my balls.
my parents read this and now i'm going to be in trouble.
way to ruin it. now i'm grounded.
s

Posted by: steverino at August 30, 2007 2:10 PM

ditto sjjp,
i coulda gone all my life without reading THAT!
don't worry, i will survive.

Posted by: blushing in toledo at August 30, 2007 2:33 PM

steve, you are in luck. i happen to make the best chocolate cake, and the best choc chip cookies in the world. they do not usually have nuts in them, but i'm sure i can amend the recipe to fulfil your needs.

swing by wollongong in your australian tour, and you will not be disappointed by the quality of sweet things. you can then also try my iced rooibos tea, with a dash of lemon or lime and honey, a shot of bacardi gold is optional.

Posted by: rizzo at September 6, 2007 4:23 AM

Sweetest, most golden heart I've been blessed to encounter in way too long. I wanted to hug you like an Croatian hippie, but girls with big chichis (I typed that with a Castillian accent, by the way, but I'm sure you caught it) get misunderstood (unfairly).

Newest Steve-lover,

Adrienne

(lots of cats and dogs and birds at my house in Denton, but I've got plenty of benedryl and make a triple fudge cake that will make you cry) ((happy transubstantive tears))

Posted by: Adrienne Pilgrim Smith at September 8, 2007 3:01 PM


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