November 6, 2007

Goodbye Greeny


Breaking News! Greeny died. After many a long journey, Greeny finally succumbed to the perils of the road. The vagabond life finally took its toll on Greeny. When axed for a comment Steve Poltz broke out in tears and grabbed his guitar. You may hear it it hear first. Caught on tape.

Listen Here by clicking here and you'll hear The Ballad of Greeny!!!!

The Ballad of Greeny

Greeny went to Port Washington, Wisconsin
Greeny went to London, England
Greeny went to Croatia
Greeny went to Nova Scotia
Greeny went Boston, Austin, Athens, Hightstown,
Philly, Eugene and still stayed somewhat green.
Gang green.
Gang green
Greeny went to Slovenia
Greeny went to Bosnia
Greeny went to Tucson, Arizona
Greeny went to visit Oklahoma
Greeny got to visit Kansas city
Minneapolis and old Milwaukee sure looked really really really pretty
Greeny went to Sufflok, Virginia
(did he say fuck?) no Suffolk!
Mowtown, Detroit, Stax in Memphis
Greeny took a nap in San Diego
Made a connection in LAX
Greeny went to San Francisco, Cali
Greeny never got to go to Maui
Greeny had a good life
Never took himself a wife
But he laid on top of a lot of hot suitcases
In the cold underbelly of many an airline
He kept many a luggage lady warm

Greeny was cheeky, frisky, risky
One time greeny got splashed with whiskey
Greeny got rolled down Houston Street
In New York City in the sleet
(that was a cold night!)
Greeny went to Houston Texas
Took a ride in my fatherís Lexus
Greeny went to visit Colorado
Greeny was the color of nuclear snot oh!
Greeny held stickers greeny held merch
Greeny never left me in the lurch
Greeny got lost in Nashville twice
When he came back home he smelled like rice
Greeny carried lots of smelly socks
Greeny took a lot of baggage handlerís shocks
Greeny was peaceful
Didnít start no wars (nuc you lur)
Greny hung out with drunks and whores
Didnít care if you were rich or poor
Heís roll across your hard wood floor
Greeny Iíll miss you
Greeny I love you
You belong in the luggage hall of fame
Goodbye Greeny
Please donít die
You really were the greatest guy
I love you Greeny
I mean it man! (spit) I mean it man!

Posted by steve at November 6, 2007 11:34 AM


Goodbye Greeny!

So, for an inaugural journey, you're gonna make his replacement go all the way to Australia?! Damn, dude. That's a serious initiation!

Posted by: Frag at November 6, 2007 11:43 AM

yes sir robby me lad.
he's going to fly down under.
his name is new guy blue guy
he was in a closet with greeny the last few days learning the ropes.
that doesn't sound right.
can i erase this?

Posted by: steve poltz at November 6, 2007 11:55 AM

No, you should not erase that. Learning the ropes is an important part of being on your team.

When you have a spare minute or two, you should watch the Gary McGraw episode of the Hugh Thompson show. Mostly jest for the first few minutes. The maniacal laughter between you and Castro is my favorite.

The Suffuck jokes never get old.

Posted by: Mrs. Tussy at November 6, 2007 12:39 PM

I find it quite mysterious that the whereabouts of the middle suitcase, (Blackie) weren't mentioned anywhere in this post, nay anywhere in this blog! Clearly back in '04 you were enamored of the new black suitcase you purchased to replace the tired, dirty and ragged and wretched Red. And here a mere 3 years later you've skipped right over Blackie, trod all over Greeny and now have moved on to your boy Blue. I'm watching you man.

Posted by: FBI Profiler at November 6, 2007 12:52 PM

i didn't mention blackie because it hurts to even talk about her. She was the only female case I ever had. She is buried somewhere in the hills of West Virginia and you'll never find her. And now you bring her up?
i need to go to counseling. tell the FBI to get off my back.

Posted by: steverino at November 6, 2007 1:49 PM

I call bullshit on all of this?

Praising Greenie today, but recently, while you were on the East Coast, touring every bar, club and living room, I saw you with a bright Red suitcase that you called your Red Head Clothes Sled.

I think word got back to Greenie....he hit the road for something bigger and better and now you're trying to cover the whole thing up, putting your own little spin on the situation.

Greenie probably had a sweet royalty deal with you and with the new album coming out that's full of would make sense to dump your fully vested employee for a rookie that' s happy getting a rub on the handle and hot airline worker "strapping" a tag on him.....Greenie's getting fucked....

Posted by: Jim T. at November 6, 2007 4:11 PM

You think it's over for Greenie? "Pshaw," as the ladies from the fifties used to say (they may still say it out of defiance [or is it now "fiddies" in deference to the hip hop crowd?]"

Here's what's going to happen:
The Patriots are going to pick Greenie up off waivers and suit him up as an outside linebacker. As soon as Bruschi or Seau goes down, Belichick is going to unleash Greenie on some unsuspecting offense, and the results will be nothing short of horrifying. See, Belichick knows what dearkness lies in the hearts of luggage. He'll figure out a way to turn Greenie into an all-pro linebacker quicker than you can say "Mephisto's Waltz." Belichick will turn your refuse into the pride of the NFL. Greenie will start doing United Way commercials. They'll show Greenie demonstrating proper blocking techniques to a multi-racial gaggle of pre-teens, gathered on a perfectly manicured field on a sunny day. But by then Greenie's pact will have turned against his favor, and with his soul in Belichick's camera bag, he'll finish out three impressive seasons with two Super Bowl rings, an NFL pension, and a trophy wife, and life the remainder of his days in solitude with a bad hip and the realization that the Darkness of Hades patiently awaits him. He'll shoot himself in a meadow seventeen years from now, causing the world to briefly stop and consider where we all went wrong.

Posted by: JD at November 6, 2007 5:09 PM

aw, p-dub in a song.
cool creepy vaudevillian voice.
your brrrr gives off a chill.
hope boy blue learned the warming drill.

Posted by: klee at November 6, 2007 6:19 PM

Greeny has taught me that it's not the outside but rather the inside that counts, and inside of Greeny were underpants and CDs. Greeny was surely the Archduke of Luggage, and called no man sir. Sleep well sweet prince, you're job is done.

Posted by: Shaeffer at November 6, 2007 6:38 PM

Rhodes and Campbell were shocked to hear of the passing of Greeny. Truly, truly saddened. We'd only just met the old bugger but we trusted him like Walter Brennan...

At least he got to see White Point before he died.

We mourn with you, my friend, and we will honour his memory by playing your touching paean to him at opportune moments in the revered Tiki Lounge in Halifax... If he hadn't already found a resting place, we'd have stuffed him full of odd socks and hung him from the rafters, occasionally making boarding calls for old time's sake :')

Posted by: Campbell at November 6, 2007 8:43 PM

I had a thought last night while I was at work... given Greeny's size, even in his dilapidated state, couldn't you rent him out as living quarters for a small San Diego family to the tune of a grand or so a month? Or maybe donate him to the homeless and/or fire-stricken? As I said, just a thought.

Posted by: Frag at November 7, 2007 6:34 AM

yes sir. greeny went to white point. i think that's what did the ol bugger in. remember when i rolled him across the rocks and sand? and he got to watch the waves. he was already sick then and coughing up green blood but he made the trip to his owner's homeland. he was a valiant prince and he loved my garmin gps unit. why just last night as i arrived at my destination in my van, the garmin gps lady said, "arriving at jack in the box. go have a super taco while i stay here and cry like a baby. aaammmmpg i freakin miss greeny poltzy. bring him back please for god's sake and mine do something!"

by the time i got back to my van in a post prandial greasy super taco bliss, the old gal had somewhat composed herself. the she said, "can we at least call up mike rhodes? he'll understand. he's a true canadian."

new guy blue guy has his work cut out.

Posted by: steverino at November 7, 2007 7:11 AM

you said 'post prandial.' :D
henceforth, it shall be known as 'poltz prandial.'

um...from what *I've* seen, that GPS gal is anything but OLD! ;)

this entire post WITH comments makes me smile.

let's hear it for J f-bomb D.

FYI, purple is the new black...for future reference.

Posted by: baconwrappedhotdog at November 7, 2007 8:05 AM

Poor Greeny, and what a fine tribute.

You sound like a zombified Johnny Cash in this song. Awesome.

Posted by: J to the C at November 7, 2007 8:53 AM


Posted by: MAnPA at November 7, 2007 8:59 AM

thanks pa,
that's a beautiful ode to greeny.
i am sure he feels the love.

Posted by: steverino at November 7, 2007 1:33 PM

Wait a second....Greenie has been spoted.....for evidence, check out the link below.

Posted by: Jim T. at November 8, 2007 10:54 AM

oh my god. that just made me spit my iced tea out of my nose

Posted by: steverino at November 8, 2007 1:35 PM

Greenie is on tour with VH? Right on! I'll say hi to him on December 14th for you.

Posted by: Karen at November 8, 2007 3:10 PM

I did not just spell Greeny with an ie, did I?!! My apologiesÖ

Posted by: at November 8, 2007 7:53 PM

greeny doesn't care about spelling
he's a suitcase.
he just wants to be loved

Posted by: steverino at November 8, 2007 8:43 PM

Those are some pretty sizable pears you're sporting there brah, to kick Greeny to the curb and then tell everyone what he wants and doesn't want.

Maybe he just needs a withered hand to reach out and say, "Hey Kid, let me buy you a cup of coffee."

Posted by: JD at November 8, 2007 10:50 PM

Shall reserve comment until Greeny makes a formal statement re the situation. There's two sides to every story, & maybe Greeny can't wax lyrical like you Suitcase Killer Steve, but his story still needs to be told..

Posted by: Meg at November 9, 2007 1:48 AM

suitcase killer steve?
man that's harsh.
greeny is on tour with van halen and then he leaves for spring training in arizona. he's getting everything together for when pitchers and catchers report.
that's my staory and i'm sticking with it.
i can'tstand the idea of him in some landfill buried next to jimmy hoffa.
i need another cup of rationalization coffee.

Posted by: steverino at November 9, 2007 7:13 AM

Y'all are a bunch of Redists. I didn't see any big outcry when poor old Red toddled off at the end of his life.


Posted by: Fussy Tussy at November 9, 2007 7:43 AM


wow! i didn't even know 'poor ole Red.'
(did i just date myself)

so, i guess now would NOT be the time to say that greenIE was a great kisser, or is it?

adios greenIE, until spring training

Posted by: youreallydontknowme at November 9, 2007 8:25 AM

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