RECENT NEWS

December 2003

December 26, 2003

the cows are all mad at me

IMG_1184.jpg

SING ALONG WITH STEVE IN THE KEY OF E

well the cows are all mad at me. yeah the cows are all mad at me. well my big heart is broken now that my doctor has spoken and ive got mad cow disease.

1. well the lamb put his foot in his mouth. so i tried to head way down south. but there was dust on the trail and i stepped on a nail and now i say real stupid things too.
2. well my foot bled all the way to mcdonalds. i ordered a mcburger with cheese. then i peed in a cup and the cows drank it up and now theyre real angry with me.

chorus: well the cows are all mad at me. yeah the cows are all mad at me. well im sick and im broke and im yellow as yolk and ive got mad cow disease

3. well i tried to pull the hoof out of the mouth of the lamb whilst i was eating a big piece of ham. well i cut my big finger and the disease did linger, and now im gettindumber by the minute.
4.so i went a steakhouse in blighty, and i prayed to the good lord almighty. i said this'll be my last steak with a big chocolate shake if you stop all these cows from chasin me.

chorus: well the cows are all mad at me. yeah the cows are all mad at me. im tired and lazy and my heads goin crazy cause ive got mad cow disease

5. well i headed out yonder to newcastle and thats when my life became a big hastle(hoff) well i got a hunch its cause i eat cows for lunch that they wanna kick my ass real bad.
6.so i came across a gang of mad bovines who had an alliance with lambs of all kinds. they hunted me down and they stomped on my crown and i think theyre still chasing me

chorus: well the cows are all mad at me yeah the cows are all mad at me. im skinny and broke like a bycycle spoke and ive got mad cow disease

7. maybe im just freaked out and paranoid. but my life seems to have a big void. i peek out my curtains and im just about certain that the cows are all waiting for me
8. well its been several months since i answered the door. im scared to even walk down the street to the store. they say the postman rings twice, this time it was a cow in disguise ans he barbecued my ass for lunch

chorus: well the cows are all mad at me yeah the cows are all mad at me
my skin is all charred and now im just lard cause ive got mad cow disease

Listen Here

Posted by steve at 10:19 AM | Comments (10)
December 24, 2003

Christmas In The Psych Ward

listen

IMG_1105.jpg

I thought of you this evening
as I was dashing through the sand
all the way to that Irish bar
with a Guinness in my hand
and when I looked above
I thought I saw a shooting star
I couldn't help but smile
as I wondered where you are

so merry merry Christmas
I'll hoist my glass away
and if I look to the east
I know you're never far away

well I said goodnight to all my friends
as I climbed my favorite hill
I watched the late night traffic sleigh bell cars
but the world stood still
and when I got back to the beach
I saw waves and jumping fish
I drew an X in the spot where we first met
and I made a Christmas wish

so merry merry Christmas
I'll hoist my glass away
and if you look to the east
you'll know I'm never far away

Posted by rtwerk at 3:42 PM

christmas ditty

IMG_1105.jpg

I thought of you this evening
as I was dashing through the sand
all the way to that Irish bar
with a Guinness in my hand
and when I looked above
I thought I saw a shooting star
I couldn't help but smile
as I wondered where you are

so merry merry Christmas
I'll hoist my glass away
and if I look to the east
I know you're never far away

well I said goodnight to all my friends
as I climbed my favorite hill
I watched the late night traffic sleigh bell cars
but the world stood still
and when I got back to the beach
I saw waves and jumping fish
I drew an X in the spot where we first met
and I made a Christmas wish

so merry merry Christmas
I'll hoist my glass away
and if you look to the east
you'll know I'm never far away

Click To Listen

Posted by steve at 10:51 AM | Comments (13)
December 20, 2003

listen to steve say "awesome possum!"

I've had sooooo many requests from people around the world who are jonesing for a recording of me saying "awesome possum" that I finally decided to record it. This is sure to fill the planet with holiday cheer. If ever you find yourself feeling a little blue, then click below to listen. Your life could very well change for the better. Your testicles will tingle. If you don't have testicles, then you will soon. Merry Christmas to all!!

listen here

Posted by steve at 1:20 PM | Comments (21)
December 18, 2003

testicle story time

Hey everybody, gather round for a story about my testes.

One time I got out of the shower and was drying off with my Batman towel, and when I went to dry the family jewels, I thought I felt a lump or bump. Well I remembered my Doctor telling me that all men are supposed to give themselves a testicle exam every month. (I didn't have the heart to tell him I give myself one everyday) I started freaking out because I thought I had the big C in my nuts. This is nothing to take lightly, so I called my Doctor and he said to come in right away. After poking and prodding me and putting his finger places that would make a nun blush he came to the conclusion that I should get a testicular ultrasound. Yikes!

I walked into the gray drab building where people go to get ultrasounds and mammograms and my heart was pounding. The nurse made me fill out a bunch of forms and then I waited while listening to a muzac version of Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time. I shut my eyes and started singing along when all of a sudden I was jarred back into consciousness by the high pitched voice of a nurse saying "Steven Pulse err Politz ah Poltz." She took me into a room and told me to take off all my clothes and I said "you first." She ignored me and walked out of the room. So I took off all of my clothes and waited for the testicle exam giver to enter my cell. The door slowly creaked open and there stood this middle aged women ultrasound specialist lady/nursey/doctor with a tube of ointment in her hands. She told me to lay down and spread my legs apart and she proceed to put this warm lotion all over my testes. She said "we keep the lotion warm so it feels better." I said "I've never really done anything like this before." She looked at me with an eyebrow raied kind of concerned look. I was sweating like a punch drunk sailor on shore leave. Then she started running the ultrasound thingymajig all over my privates and and I felt helpless. This is where the story gets really good- she said "my son is a big fan of your music. He's eight years old and we saw you play at Jingle Ball. (she really said "jingle ball") I was mortified! "You know who I am ?" She then proceeded to tell me her sons favorite song was "monkeys coming out of yer ass." Then she asked if I would sign somthing for him. I have never been so embarrassed in my life.

It turns out I didn't have the big C and I skulked out of there into the sunset. So let that be a lesson to all ye sailors oot there. Give yourself an exam and if you find somthing. Call your doctor. Try to get an ultrasound. It feels pretty good.

Steverino Walnut Poltz

Posted by steve at 10:09 AM | Comments (19)
December 14, 2003

Saddam The Wino Thinks He's Spiderboy

After looking at pictures of Saddam's little spiderhole I have come to the conclusion he was listening to my song "spiderboy." It took army men dressed as spiders to go down and get him. Therefore, I am going to sue Saddam Hussein for ripping me off. U.S. intelligence sent me satellite images to my V.W. van last night as I drove from Ramona. What the newspapers aren't telling you is that he was listening to my song over and over and telling himself everything would be o.k. Apparently he had translated my song into a rare Bathist dialect and was selling bootleg copies to his minions. Therefore, I feel I am due royalties that should be collected out of the 750,000 smackeroos that were found on his wannabe spider body. I am due 6 and three quarter cents for each copy sold and my sources in Iraq tell me there were dozens err I mean millions sold. So the way I look at it is I am due aboot half of the cash stash. Give me 375,000 and I'll call it a wash. I've decided not to ask for more for the mental trauma this has caused me. This is all I'm allowed to comment on for now. I am still awaiting some top secret intelligence info from my C.I.A. operatives. Hopefully we'll be able to resolve this issue in a timely manner. By the way, Saddam looks like this wino that used to sleep outside the market where I used to bag groceries when I was in high school in Palm Springs. I hated that wino because he used to get drunk and try to grab my weiner. One time I kicked him in the kneecap. In other news...

Thankyou to the fine citizens of Ramona California. You guys are tops in my book. I had such a fine time playing in your wonderful town. I will definitely be back when my voice has healed and the flu has vacated my body. Cheers is a fine tavern and Sean Leahy a fine publican. Last night was wonderful. Ramona is surely going to be the next Seattle. No strike that... Seattle is going to be the next Ramona.

Peace,

Steven "the real spiderboy" Poltz

Posted by steve at 7:44 AM | Comments (3)
December 11, 2003

L.A. here I come

Last minute add on for the Los Angeles people. Friday December 12 in the year of 2003 I will be playing a gig at The Derby. The address is on this here website. Just click "on with the shows." I go on at 8:30 p.m. Why add a show this late Steve? Haven't you played enough? Aren't you laid out with the flu? These are all good questions but I don't feel like answering them. I just feel like playing my guitar. My friend ken Layne will also be debuting his new band "The Corvids" and will be releasing his c.d. as well.

I triple dog dare all of you feathered peeps to scurry away from watching taped reruns of Trista and Ryan's lame little nuptial sore excuse for a wedding/ reality show trying to sell more uneeded products from pushy sponsors and run as fast as you are able to to the city of angels. I think it is only 3000 or so miles from Suffolk Va. I haven't mapquested it out yet. Why Suffolk you ask? Because Santa still goes to Suffolk. So lets all be each other's secret Santa and I'll be on the picnic and elf committeee and we'll trade baseball cards and other trinkets and what not.
see ya friday dec 12. ( I know it's a last minute addition but so was the Corvair in the early 1960's. It had problems with flipping over and Ralph Nader fought against it tooth and nail. So anyways Corvair sounds like Corvid and a Corvid is a bird and birds already fly in L.A. So you should fly on over to the land of secret Santas and quaff an ale or 3)

cheers and salutations,

Steve Naderoltz

Posted by steve at 7:43 PM | Comments (7)
December 5, 2003

sing along with steve

C'mon everybody's doin' it!

"Christmas Time in the Psychward"

we go out shoppin' on pills that we're poppin'
sleigh bells are ringin' and choirs are singin'
santa drives risky he's lit up on whiskey
he's wearing his wife's clothes he's got rudolph's red nose
the elves are on acid and stuck on lake placid
they think they're funny they boiled the easter bunny
like fatal attraction there's way too much action
it's christmas time in the psychward

nuuurrrse ratchet you tease
bring me my lithium please
merrrrrry christmas
i don't got both oars in the water
i'm a few bricks shy of a load
and i'm not playing with a full deck
and i come from a shallow gene pool

listen here

Posted by tony at 7:44 PM | Comments (8)
December 1, 2003

doggy and me

doggy.jpg

Posted by steve at 6:00 PM | Comments (10)

Traveling
available now!
 
Chinese Vacation
available now!
check out some tracks here
 
Digital Video Disc
Live at the Basement
Sydney, Australia
 

Sign up now
for the Poltz.com
newsletter




 
Archives
You can check out
"On with the Shows"
for all concert dates.

The discussion board
is alive and well.
 
Ditty du jour
 

here's a funny dispatch
from a past trip abroad...


 

cash

There are more photos
past and present
in the section called
"Photology"

 

here's another letter
of a different naturehttp://poltz.com/.


 

the cutest roughneck
that side of the rio grandehttp://poltz.com/.


 

steve, do you want to add a post?
home press merch tour music photos biography contact bulletin board