Something I didn't think about
I left my show in Oakville at 1 in the morning. I figured I needed to hightail it out of town to avoid Toronto sunrise traffic and make it to Buffalo on time for my morning flight. The weather report called for quite a bit of snow so I maneuvered my rental car through the Canadian roads towards the United States of America. With a hot cup of tea between my legs and a song in my head, I drove and watched the snowflakes float like graceful drunkards from beyond my windshield. By the time I got to the border, the Immigration man gave me the third degree and checked and rechecked my passport and kept asking me what I did for a living.
"Why are you playing shows in Canada?" he asked in an accusatory tone. "Why don't you just play in San Diego where you live?"
"Why are you such an asshole?" I didn't say. "Because that's how I make my living" I really said.
"What kind of music do you play?" he retorted. "How come I've never heard of you?"
"Because my records have only gone tinfoil" I chortled.
"Whaddya mean tinfoil?" he asked with no sense of humor whatsoever.
"It means I'm not that well known. I just drive for hours and play to a few people everywhere in different cities."
"I don't know how you can make any money doing doing that" he added with disdain.
"Well, I sell guns and heroin on the side" I didn't say. "Ummm I don't know. Jeez Mister I'm trying my best. I really play my heart out every night. People sometimes buy my cds at the shows and the club owners usually pay me and feed me" I said defensively. "I also play in people's houses and they feed me great meals. Why just the other night I played a house concert in Meaford, Ontario and they cooked a huge roast beef dinner with Yorkshire pudding and mashed potatoes and veggies and a great dessert to boot!"
I felt like I was defending my life to the life defining authorities. I thought that if he decided what I was doing wasn't up to par with the life defining standards of the immigration life act #2242 that I would be sent to a re-education camp to find a new life's purpose. I waited in my car for his answer as the snow flakes fluttered toward my windshield like ticker tape rejects until he finally looked up from his computer screen.
"Yorkshire pudding?" he asked. "Mmmm, I love Yorkshire pudding. Did they make gravy that you could use for dipping?"
"Oh hell yes!" I shouted back.
"Ok, you can go now. Drive real careful, it's really starting to come down."
"Yorkshire pudding" I thought to myself as I drove off. "Who woulda thunk? I should have mentioned that first."
By the time I got to Buffalo it was 3 in the morning and the roads were in bad shape. I figured I'd drive as close as I could to the airport and find a hotel. There was no room at the inn. Anywhere. I started frantically calling every hotel in the book. Zip, nada, zilch, nothing, zero. Then that slow sinking sad feeling hit me at 3:30 in the morning as I slid through the parking lot of another no vacancy hotel. The clerk said to me "you're not going to find anything for miles. It was Monday Night Football here in Buffalo. A home game versus The Cleveland Browns. A shit load of folks from Cleveland came up to the game and football here is religion."
I trudged back out to my rental car in the icy snow and left the motor running and cranked up the heat as I laid down my seat. I finally fell asleep and had bad dreams that someone was going to see my lights on in the car with it running and try to rob me. Or that somehow the exhaust was going to leak in and I'd wake up dead. Instead I woke up at 7 am with my leg sound asleep up to my hip. The gas tank was on empty and there was snow all over like it was Christmas morning. I stepped out of the car and peed in the parking lot like a hobo and then slipped and fell in my own pee. I thought about all the people in Guelph who could have used that wasted liquid. (see blog entry about Guelph- below- to follow that thought) I started laughing and shivering at the same time and got in the car and went to the airport. I guess I should have tried to book a room from Canada. That's something i didn't think about.
Am I any smarter from this little incident?
No- but I did sleep in the parking lot of a Holiday Inn Express.
Yours in Yorkshire,
Steve
Watching the elephants try to dance
Yesterday I drove through the snow in Algonquin Park in Canada and everything was dusted with powdered sugar. As I drove, I forgot I was in the snow and I started smiling because I was picturing elephants trying to dance in a field in Africa. It was so hard for me to keep my eyes on the road because the pachyderms were wearing golden tutus and red slippers with golden bells. There was a pretty fast song developing in my head and every chance I could get I would pull my car over to the side of the road and try to finger the song on my fretboard. The elephants were laughing too and then for one second the sun shot through the clouds like a giant flashlight and it washed over me and warmed my soul. I tried to stop talking to the elephants but they were fluent in an east Indian dialect that I happened to write my doctoral thesis on in back in 1929 right before the market crashed. It felt so good to speak in my native tongue. It had been almost 60 years since I last had a real conversation and I felt complete. So I bought the mask of an elephant at a thrift store that specialized in wooly mammoth tusks. The old man that worked there smelled of gin and had the blossom on his nose to match and he just happened to be the world's largest collector of animal masks. We danced in the snow together until I was out of breath and he almost had a heart attack and we ended up laughing hysterically for what seemed like hours. I got back on the road and stopped at a Tim Hortons for some donuts and made it to my show in Wakefield, Quebec just on time to take the stage. I love life. Love it, love it, love it. How lucky are we to be alive in this exact time and space? Let's count our blessings and listen to song of the elephants dancing.
Dance on you crazy elephants,
Reno Macgillicuddy
Listen to what it sounds like in my head
The Doctors pulled a wattmeter out of an old factory
They gussied it up a bit with greasy French fry oil
It was protected with wattle and daub
Even a clumsy fool could drop it from a table
And it could still read the sounds coming from brains
They lured me in by offering chocolates and tea
I said a prayer and off I went
There were wires and charts and white jackets
There were name badges and goggles and needles and gloves
“Where’s my candy?” I asked, in my best adult voice
“tsk tsk tsk”, said the nurse in the overcoat
“your tea is on the stove but first I must measure your head”
her assistant put me in a steel tube and I shivered a shivery shiv
my eyes were blinded by sparkling lights as brilliant as the sun
they inserted a wire through my ears
it only hurt a little
a mouse scurried across the floor
I heard the wails of a woman from a bordering room
I wanted to cry but I bit my lip
My skull felt as numb as my tongue
After a kiss I once had in the snow
I tried to break free but they were already rolling tape
They were able to record earlier thoughts
Thoughts I had while driving
The things I thought whilst eating alone
They HEARD what was in my brain!
They gave me my tea
My chocolate and
Of course
This…souvenir
recording
Of
*me*
click here to listen to the sounds in Steve's head!
The grilled cheese sandwich
My beamish friends attract like flies on salty skin
freshly dripping from the ocean waters
my obdurate heart melts into forgiveness
melts like a grilled cheese sandwich
with the face of Jesus
People line up around my block
snapping pictures that beatify
snapping like angry turtles
snap snappity snap snap
the flashes fade the toasted bread
from golden brown to pale
News trucks look for a fresh scoop
deadlines approach like speeding bullets
The hordes of Christians fight for their claims
of the loving face of their Saviour
with melted cheese obfuscating the facial lines
yet the sandwich is sacrosanct
I just wanted a midnight snack
I wasn't looking for trouble
to be a pain or a pest
just a pickle
some sea salt
a sandwich
and a fly swatter
Guelph is a state of mind
Tonight I'm playing in a city called Guelph. I wonder who came up with the name Guelph and what the inhabitants are like? It's known as "The Royal City" and its residents are called Guelphites. It's 100 kilometers west of Toronto at the intersection of Highway 6 and Highway 7. But never mind the facts- here's what I think straight from my jejune grey matter.
I think Guelph is a half panicked state of mind not unlike that of the feeling of just waking up after a restless night's sleep. Someone last night night told me that to them Guelph sounded like the noise a cat makes when choking on a hair ball. At first that made sense to me but then I got here. Upon arriving I realized that everyone in Guelph has the head and wings of an eagle and the body of a lion. That's why their athletic teams at the University of Guelph are known as The Gryphons. Personally, I would have spelled it Griffins but I'm less inclined to be traditional than most. The funny thing is, everyone here runs their cars on urine. I mean, talk about recycling and making the most of your waste products. They used to have an abattoir in the center of town but the stench was debilitating and the forefathers and foremothers burned the building down one fateful night in the early 1900's. Needless to say, there is still an almost funereal gloom that's palpable when strolling down Main Street. I went into a washroom to relieve myself and at least 3 different people handed me jars for my pee. I couldn't even find a regular gas station for my rental car with its alien Georgia license plates. As the sepulchral darkness of the night begins creeping in, I'm going to get off the streets and hide in my car. I've become nothing more than a refugee on the lam from the future cops looking to propel their flying cars with more of my pale yellowish fluid I have stored in my bladder. Good God, I'm frightened but I will not- I repeat- I will not cancel my show tonight because of the jar carrying droogs that seem to accost me at every wrong turn I happen to make. My catheter holding enemies are nothing more than street urchins looking for any opportunity make me micturate on demand so that they may time travel to other planets and get the hell out of Guelph. I will not give in to their urinary collecting neediness. I am not just some unworthy interloper from the nether regions. I am not an animal. I am a man who gets to keep his own pee for himself for his own use.
Send in life flight.
Steverino
Greetings from Canadia
Looking to assuage my angst filled fingers I trekked out to Taylor Guitars in a hurry before catching the steel bird that flew across the bumpy skies toward the east. Freshly repaired guitar arrived safely in Buffalo at the bewitching hour of midnight and we were happily reunited like two long lost friends who found each other through a missing persons website. Me and Smokey Joe- Smokey Joe and Me. Two pods in a pea- looking for a bowl to rest our weary limbs and strings. Smokey puts up with my puerile jokes and incessant plucking and pulling and yammering on. We are ready to rock Canadia this week with our mullets and acid washed jeans and ersatz speed metal. I wish I could have rented an 80's Camaro with a cassette player. That would be a splendorific awe-inspiring sight. Instead here I am in a grass field waiting for the sun to poke its shy little face from behind the clouds that threaten to leak with a bark that's worse than its bite. Waiting for Godot or at least a man named Vladimir to tell me what time sound check is. Then I'll be whisked off to Hugh's Room to sing songs for the denizens of Toronto and most certainly I'll repeat this act in other cities for the rest of the week until Smokey tells me it's time to return to home plate.
Thanks for all of the comments and info regarding flu shots. I've decided to sit and wait and think. But until then, I'll wash my hands early and often.
Yours truly,
Steve
Amor et melle et felle est fecundissmismus
Love is rich with both honey and venom. I guess that's what makes it so exciting. I should open a smoothie bar and sell honey and venom shakes. I have a feeling these drinks would sell like slices of pizza to a group of stoned freshman in their first semester of college. I could probably retire and not have to travel so much. But I'd miss the excitement of the shows and the seductive pull of the stage. All I know is that I leave for Toronto on Tuesday and it's one city that I'm always to happy to visit. This time I'm fixing to drive in from Buffalo. I just checked the weather and it should be a balmy 30 degrees when I land. That's not too bad except for the fact that it's 30 degrees. My Dad says I should get a flu shot but I have a theory that they're dangerous and I don't trust them. I wonder if I'm just paranoid and I would like your opinions.
1. Do you guys trust flu shots?
2. Is there any money backing our U.S. dollar?
New Years Eve is starting to look like a great show at The Casbah in San Diego
It starts with- Gregory Page
Then- Steve Poltz (me!) and The cynics
next up The Truckee Brothers (full 4 piece band action!)
Finally..... ring in the new year with......... The Rugburns!
That's quite a lineup.
Are there any questions?
Always,
Steve
Looking at the world through leaf colored glasses (Congrats Obama!)
photo by Joshographry
I cried last night and I'm not ashamed to admit it. This is the first candidate I've ever given money to. The first candidate I've believed in. I was so proud to be a part of this election and what it means to be alive in such an exciting time. There's a lot of tough work ahead and I can't be deluded into thinking that it's going to be easy. We have a cultural divide in this country that I see everyday through all my travels. Yet for some reason I am still an optimist and I still see the world for what it can be as opposed to what it can't. Maybe I have a leaf over my eye but I see the good in people. I don't just hang out in blue states no sir no way. Why just last week I was in North Dakota and I met some some great people who were there to hear music and were willing to take a chance and buy some of my cds. I was in Kentucky, another red state and I went to a high school where my friend Tom Flannery teaches and I played for some of his students. We all shared our love of music and they had the wide eyed excitement of high schoolers just starting their own bands. They spoke of buying cool instruments and writing songs and performing with a passion that I still have and that I recognize in others. I zipped across the border to Ohio for a fun show in a state that finally voted blue! Then in a beautiful old theater with people huddled together listening to stories I was allowed to be a freak on stage and have a push up contest and read strange texts. I loved traveling through Mississippi and eating soul food and watching and listening and learning. And now today as I wake up and peruse the news and look at pictures of our 44th President of the United States of America, I see a beautiful face full of hope, intellectual curiosity and a willingness to listen to others and I can only feel joy, wonder and amazement. I would like to send my congratulations to President-elect Barack Obama fom all of us at Poltz.com. We're proud of you and excited for the next 4 years. We're ready to go to work and do something to make this country and the world a better place.
Cheers!
Steve Poltz
New Years Eve With The Rugburns breaking news breaking news breaking news yippee yay yippee
Ring in 2009 with The Rugburns at The Casbah in beautiful sunny San Diego. Get your flights now and plan ahead because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Celebrate with the strange friends you've met on one of the internets. Why you may have met people right here on this weeb sight. The one you're looking at now. Maybe there are people who really want to see you in San Diego. Look how long it took for The Phillies (congrats Lou DeMarco!) to win a World Series. We may never play a show together again for another 20 years. Life is too long to not do what you want to do. Check Kayak for flights. I'll be able to give you hotel suggestions near The Casbah if you like. Think about it- there are people freezing in Siberia and Michigan. You could rent a room at the ocean and try surfing in the cold, cold Pacific Ocean. You could eat fish tacos bro dude bro. Drink a cold beverage while listening to The Rugburns crank out all of your favorite songs. You can dress in drag or wear a mask or just wear jeans. YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD! Just by coming out to the show on New Years Eve. Start 2009 off in a way wicked cool Jesus it's going to be a hoot and you need to do this for your family and for your family's security. Come see Steve Hussein Poltz and Doc Hussein Driscoll Stinky Hussein Aaffedt and John Hussein Castro. Yes- John is flying in from New York City. He'd rather be in San Diego where al the cool people are going to be. Yes- I said it right here folks- If you don't come to this show then for all of 2009 you won't be cool. You be the opposite of cool which is I guess- hmmmm- oh yeah, UNCOOL!
We want to see you and squeeze the living crap out of you. You can get your colon cleansed and go to yoga and drink healthy juices. Or you can eat greasy cheeseburgers at Rocky's and drink tequila or a Starlite Mule at The Starlite.
In fact, you could have a pre show dinner at The Starlite and then cruise to The Casbah which is literally on a half mile away. I'm going to set up a dinner at that fucking place because I can and I love you and want your happiness. Excuse my curse word that just leaked out of my trashy little mouth but I'm excited dammit.
If you don't come to this show then you don't care about your country. Australia, New Zealand and Canada- do you hear me? USA- you too! You will all be marked down on the list as Traitors and evildoers if you don't make it out for New Years. Attendance is compulsory. Don't be an evildoer- be a doer of good. A gooderdoer!
Watch this video to whet your respective and not so respective appetites.
Go to work and save this country.
Until we meet again on New Years Eve I faithfully remain,
Steven Joseph Joshua Poltz
My name is Steve Poltz and I approve of this ad.
Happy Halloween from JoE PoLtZ
My Dad made a message for you guys to download and play at your houses and places of labor. click here to listen
I quite like this message and I'm sure you will too. This is the type of thing I grew up with during Halloween when my Dad and Mom would answer the door to hand out candy. My Pop would be howling out loud and scaring the crap out of all the little kids.
I had a great time in the midwest and I want to thank you for showing up in full force regalia. The show I did for Daytrotter was way cool. I want to thank Sean and his band of merry makers for making my stay in Rock Island Illinois one to remember. You see, I'm a little bit weird, I love discovering new towns to play in and now I am able to rock the quad cities. This is a good thing my friendly friends. The stuff they are doing at Daytrotter is really quite tasteful. They recorded about 8 songs of me playing live in the studio on to 2 track tape. The sound they get out of there is pretty high quality. I'll let you know when my session gets put up on line.
The show at Sleepy Creek was sold out and they made me lasagna. How do I have a following in Fairmount Illinois? All I know is that I can't wait to go back and play another show. The people out in their neck of the woods sure know how to have fun.
I think I went up to Milwaukee after Sleepy Creek. Yes, and then I got to play some of my favorite songs on WUWM and they let me pick out songs for an hour. Here's what I played and the order I played the songs in.
Mini Skirt Esquivel and His Orchestra Esquivel: Cabaret Mañana
Woody and Dutch on the Slow Train to Peking Rickie Lee Jones Pirates
Tropical Hot Dog Night Captain Beefheart Shiny Beast (Bat Chain Puller)
Have You Seen Her The Chi-Lites The Chi-Lites: 20 Greatest Hits
The Shining Badly Drawn Boy The Hour of Bewilderbeast
Independence Day Elliott Smith XO
Left of the Dial The Replacements Tim
Cemetery Polka Tom Waits Rain Dogs
A Case of You Joni Mitchell Blue
Shining Star Earth, Wind & Fire Greatest Hits
Natural High BLOODSTONE (Jackie Brown soundtrack)
Moon River (From "Breakfast at Tiffany's") HENRY MANCINI
If you get a chance, download these songs and put them in this order and close your eyes and feel really good. I promise you'll smile and dance around and maybe even cry.
The benefit for Jon Dee Graham was a success. We raised over 5 grand but that doesn't even begin to put a dent into his medical bills. Keep your grapes peeled for other opportunities to help this fine American out with his medical bills.
I made it back just in time to play a sold out show at Anthology in San Diego. They informed me that I was the first person to ever stage dive in their illustrious club. I played with The Cynics so it seemed like the proper thing to do. Yes it did.
Finally, there are some new Canadian shows coming up
Nov 12 Hugh's Room Toronto
Nov 13 Garden Street Cafe Guelph, Ontario
Nov 14 London Music Club London, Ontario
Nov 15 Irish Mountain Music House Concert Meaford Ontario
Nov 16 The Black Sheep Inn Wakefield, Quebec
Nov 17 The Moonshine Café Oakville, Ontario
Happy Halloween!
Steve
While in Canada- I'm funny like a clown
I had the strangest thing happen. First of all, I was switching planes at JFK on my way from San Diego to Halifax when I gave a call to Francois, the director of the Deep Roots Festival in Wolfville to let him know my plane was on time. He started to inform me of my set times and that I would be doing a song swap with Peter Case. I was excited to catch up with Peter as I hadn't seen him in some time. Plus, I'm a huge fan so that was a bonus and a half. But then, somewhere in the conversation he let it slip that I would be emceeing Friday night's show on the main stage. I freaked out because I don't really think of myself as an emcee and it kind of pissed me off because no one had informed that this was going to be my role. He kept saying to me, "You'll be great! Don't worry steve. You're a natural." I immediately got off the phone and called my Canadian booking agent and let him know I wasn't happy about this at all. He said, "I thought i told you. Sorry about that." This further infuriated me and then I just decided to let it go. I think it was just my ego thinking it was below me to be an emcee. Plus, I was nervous having to introduce acts and I didn't want to screw it up as I had no time to prepare. It turned out to be really cool because I got to play songs songs between all the acts while the stage was rearranged. So I learned a lesson that I should sometimes just chill the duck out when I start to freak out over a supposed slight. It was actually really fun being the emcee. Except for the fact that I was referred to as a clown. I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?
Anyways, that's not what I'm here to talk to you about. The weirdest thing that happened was when I walked out on stage midway through the show I asked the audience of 1,500 people at Convocation Hall at Acadia College to let me know who they wanted me to vote for. I told them that I was a dual citizen of The United States and Canada. So since I am allowed to vote in the upcoming election I promised that I vote for the candidate they wanted. So I asked the crowd, "how many people here in this beautiful theater want me to vote for John McCain?" There was dead silence. I mean, you could have heard a pin drop. Then I asked, "how many people here want me to vote for Barack Obama?" The place went nuts. Lots of screaming and wild cheering. So then I opened up my jacket which had remained closed up all night (above) and said, "I guess I wore the right shirt!" They even mentioned it here.
I just thought that was very strange and the dead silence was not expected.
I just added a show in Austin, Texas on Oct 20. It's at The Continental Club and I go on at 11 pm. It's a benefit for Jon Dee Graham's out of control medical costs from his unfortunate car accident while driving home from a show in Dallas. We're going to raise enough hopefully to take care of the thing in one shot!
Peace,
Steve
New DVD out today and then there were only 2 Texas shows this weekend
I have a new DVD I'm releasing today. You can order it right here from the good folks at Poltz.com. Here's what the back cover looks like. It's also got lots of post-show interviews and about 4 bonus tracks. It's a dvd and it also contains a cd for your driving pleasure. It also comes with a microwave inside and bat saliva. And if you act now, you will attain inner peace with the odds of nirvana increasing if you were to maybe buy ummm- say 2 (two) instead of one. A couple of the packages contain soylent green and about 5 others have a small Czech family of 7 living inside of the cardboard insert. Also- most people will think you're really cool because you had the good sense to invest in music. It's like owning a restaurant: YOU CAN'T LOSE! If you buy this dvd today then you have a good possibility of finding true love and you'll definitely get put on the short list toward Catholic sainthood. So go ahead and buy 7 or 8.
My Sunday Sept 21st show in Houston got cancelled due to the hurricane.
The show in Dallas is still on at 8pm on Sept 19 at:
rock house films
3006 cole avenue
northeast corner of cole and sneed
Sept 20 I am in Austin Tx
at Hill Country Galleria
6 pm with Matt the Electrician
I played at The San Diego Music Awards last night with The Cynics. We had a good time. I was nominated for album of the year which was pretty cool. I didn't win but that's ok because I have a new dvd out! Did I mention that if you buy it you'll feel like you did win an award? I did? I mean: I did!
One final thing- Unraveling came out on Itunes yesterday so I got that going for me... which is nice.
Boo ya crunk
Steve
young days old days
I am off to Portland today. It's a city in Oregon. I like the city of Port- Land. The people are mostly good and they like to eat food and ride bikes. Tomorrow I'll be in Seattle. Seattle rhymes with battle and prattle. Hope to see you in the great northwest. However, if you live in San Diego, then I am playing right near there in the city of Ramona. This event happens on Friday night. If you live anywhere else then unfortunately it will cost a lot of dough to come and see me play so I suggest you stay home and save your money for medicine and light bulbs.
Yowza,
Me
Portland, Oregon show just added!
Since I'm going to be all the way up in the northwest playing a Seattle show on September 11, I decided to add a show the day before at the last minute in Portland Oregon. Ya see, my friends Julie and Chico own a hair salon and they want to have a show. So why not? You don't even need an I.D. to get in. I mean- what are they going to do? Card you for getting a haircut? I played there once before and had a good enough time that I want to do it again. It will cost you as many dollars as what day it is. 10 ten 10
Here's the deets:
Wed. September 10th
Salon 13
1237 S.E. Stark
Portland, Oregon 97214
for ticket info call Julie at (503) 421-3409
BYOB
See you in The Beaver State,
Steve
Le Anthem Nacional con mi amigo Gregoir Page y su Tio David
I guess someone did film us singing the National Anthem after all. My manager sent me a link to this. This is a lo-fi clip of us singing at Petco Park. For those of you that don't know Gregory Page, I suggest you check him out. I met him years ago at a now closed club called Megolopolis here in San Diego. It was a foggy night and we stood outside after the club closed discussing our love of James Taylor. We spoke in hushed tones because it was uncool for a guy like me in The Rugburns and a guy like Gregory Page in a goth band Baba Yaga to have a love for the Martha's Vineyard living mellow folkie. We couldn't help ourselves and Gregory even showed me his peace sign tattoo that he got because he heard James had one.
We're still good friends and we probably talk everyday for at least 10 seconds. He puts out a cd every time he goes to the bathroom. Collect them all and you won't be sorry. He traveled with me for years in The Rugburns and played bass and sang his big ol' heart out. I hope you get to see him play live sometime because he will blow your minds.
That's Gregory's Uncle David Page on the drum. He makes his own drums! Then he sells them to people like you.
Anyways, I hope you dig the Anthem because we sure had fun singing it. We were real nervous and almost peed our pants. We did it in the key of scaredy cat.
Meow,
Steve
