Prinking Droblem

Here's a song I made up the other day. I would like to see my friend from San Diego sing this to me one night. His name is Troy Lee Wells and he would do an awesome cover version of it. Please Troy if you're out there do it and film it for me.

I've got a prinking droblem
My troctor dold me doe
I humble stome
And woose my lay
Bore meer bore meer
Gee sum whikky
Wee sum gikky
Tots of shequila
tots of shequila
I've got a prinking droblemuph
My tother mold me doe
Son said she
Your liver hates you
And said I bakk
Well Lor wiver yates hoo too

Woo hoo! Woo hoo!
The coppers over me pulled
And Said I
Ossifer me likey badge you
Mustache me too have donut
I money me sister to you
Now home is my jail
Me prison wizzon
Fizzon me pizzon
He a man me kissin
Ohhh I've got a prinking droblem
And I know I down you let
I dett you lown
Prickly prickly poligies for you hoo

My yestedaze taste like tomorrow's wine
Bash my smottle and
Bottle my smash and
trash me in the put
Ooh I've got a prinking droblem
And sheep have me with sex
And goats are my friends too

See you in Cronulla tonight
Stevey Jo

Going Nuts In Adelaide!

Hello brothers and sisters of the revolution. Thanks for coming out to the show last night in Adelaide. There were over 90,000 of you at The Gov to see Bob Evans and I guess, Me dance around and sing songs. You turned Adelaide into Radelaide and kept it from being Sadelaide. For that I thank you from the bottom of my moldy heart. I felt the rays of night sunshine beaming at me from the bottom where the love creeps through the floorboards and showers me with with warm urine colored lemonade mixed with roses and geese feathers.

Please enjoy this video of me going nuts in Adelaide.

Thanks for keeping the mystery alive.
goo goo gah gah
adios amigos
Steven

Flying from Canberra to Melbourne with Poltzy

photo by Malcolm Mckay (originally looked like this until I screwed it up on photoshop)

I take a flight with Milan from Canberra to Melbourne and he keeps on filming me but won't let me film him. So we laugh a little and then laugh some more when his sister Milica aka Millie picks us up. We have a day to rest and relax after many shows in a row. I'm going to yoga and eating all day. It sure is fun being out here on the road laughing. I feel weird.
See ya,
Steve

Good Times in Australia with Poltzy

Everyone in Australia calls me Poltzy.
"Hey Poltzy G'day! How ya goin' mate?"
I like it.
I could just do kids records and call myself Poltzy.
I'll sell hundreds.
The tour is proceeding along nicely and I wanted to give a video update.
Sit down and grab a cold beverage and pretend you're with me.

Have a sweet day and night.
Your friend,
Steve

Extra! Extra! Live shows up at fizzkicks.com/stevepoltz

photo taken by polioboy on Wed May 13 at 4 pm in NSW Australia

We're starting to get some live show action up at fizzkicks.com/stevepoltz
So say you're living in Taipei and you're saying to yourself "dang, I wish I could hear a live show by Steve Poltz right now."
Well, now you can download a whole show for 15 smackaroos. Digitally download it piping hot fresh from the oven to your mp3 plate. There are some Canadian shows and USA shows. Once Chris Modl arrives for my June Aussie tour then those shows will be up because we'll be back in the old recording biz.
But for now- enjoy the offerings we have.
Yours kind of,
Steve

I believe in crocodile pie

Here's a new movie of some travels through Australia meeting people and singing songs eating crocodiles and having fun. It's 1 am right now and I think I'll retire to the sack. I'm enjoying driving on the left side of the road. I think that's the best way to enjoy life: from the left side.

More shows and cool people tomorrow.
I hope I don't get eaten by a crocodile.
Hasta Lego,
Steve

Happy Mother's Day!

Hi Mom,
It’s Mother’s Day already down here in Australia as we’re a day ahead of you. I just wanted to tell you I love you and thank you for giving birth to me way back when at The Infirmary in Halifax, Nova Scotia. It’s been a great ride and I know in the first 6 months of my life I had 2 hernias and you thought I would die but I didn’t. Then my lungs kept collapsing and I had all those surgeries and you hung by my side. Plus, you made me practice my guitar and paid for lessons and taught me to sing in the choir at St. Theresa’s Catholic Church. I know I was a wild child and I hit the ground running with allergies and hyper activity but you’ve always been there to bandage me up. I want to thank you for everything and for giving me such a good life that I would never trade for anything. You’re so smart and kind. Like super smart. Like the smartest person I’ve ever met. Except for Dad because he’s smart too but I think you’re smarter. After all, you taught English at St. Rita’s Catholic School and that was a smarty smart kid’s school. Plus, you’re a great cook and you always fed me scrumptious meals even when I was dieting to make 98 pounds for wrestling tournaments. Everything you make tastes amazing. Plus you’re really fun to be around and I like hearing you talk and laugh.

So happiest of Mother’s Day’s to you. I love you.
Your son,
Steve (Poltz) In case you forgot who it was
p.s. here's a picture of you and Dad(the guy you married) back in 1979
you guys are hot!

Don't let Steve Poltz be a passenger in your car in Australia?

There's a "movie" floating around the internet on one of the you tubes that I'm a poor passenger to have in the car. I just wanted to let you guys here at Poltz.com know about it. I just have to say that this really hurts my feelings and I wanted you guys to see it first before someone else tells you about it. I don't think my behavior was so bad. So in the interest of keeping everything above board I want you guys to decide if I'm allowed to drive in a car with you. I think the evidence will speak for itself and I'm certain my honesty in this matter will vindicate me. Thanks for always being there for me.
Yours in passengerdom,
Steve Poltz

The many moods of Aussie Poltz

Here's the new movie that's been taking the world by storm. We're getting world wide distribution next week but here you get to see it first. It was filmed in Maroochydore, Queensland Australia and is already up for several awards for best film in a natural nature type naturistical naturesque est incorporating naturalismo n-n-n-nature's so bitchin setting. Please enjoy and don't forget to vote in the upcoming Academy Awards documentary balloting type series-esque type cool guy art house elimination series adaptation etc and so forth. Every vote counts and you are not the last chance wallflower that the world has made you out to be. After all, you know ME! I'm a man with ties. Scarves and beanies and socks and purple underwear. I can get a table at several b-list restaurants in at least 3 countries.
Take your vitamins you bogens, oops- I mean bogans -
Steverino

Sometimes I feel like a dog in a box

photo by David Anderson of Cave Creek Coffee Roasters

Played a show in Brisbane last night which is tomorrow night for USA peeps or maybe it's tonight. Ummm I'm confused. Bob Evans is a champion song fellow. Good times in River City I tell you. The staff at The Tivoli are the sweetest people and I can't wait to come back. The weather is perfect and tomorrow we drive to Maroochydore, QLD. It just sounds cool to say it. Try it out- Maroochydore! Rhymes with store and whore. This is really going to be quite a journey as we cruise to Byron Bay.

I hope to see you soon.
Steve

Greetings friends- I'm in Australia!

I just woke up and I'm not sure what day it is. Thursday here- Wed back in the States. I'm a day ahead of you so I hate to tell you this, but the world will no longer exist the way you know it. So fly here to see me now! I demand it. It's winter here and things are backwards.
People drive on the other side of the road and talk with funny accents. Dogs can fly and lizards speak fluent Chinese. You can eat flowers and they make you taller and all smiley. The clouds are made of cotton candy and they fall out of the sky right into your mouth. Everything is free here! They don't believe in money. There's no pollution and they've never heard of the swine flu. (I brought it with me though so they will)

Fly here this week and bring me clothes and crackers and water lilies. Bring me gold shoes and silver socks and I'll trade you Chinese speaking lizards. We'll jump rope in the sprinklers and wash our hair with rain water. Australia is the new black. It's where everyone needs to be for the next couple of months. Bring your DNA and bring your wigs. Dress up in disguise and tell your bosses you have eye problems and that you can't see coming into work this month.

Tell the San Diego Padres I love them but I'm not IN love with them.

Peace,
Steve

KiNkY

Hi everybody -- I'm on a plane on my way to Portland Oregon this very instant, so I called one of my imaginary friends and asked them to post this special flier I made, for me. (My imaginary friend has terrible grammar and doesn't know the meaning of syntax. Sorry. I may have to cull this imaginary friend from my life.)

kInKy
(Did it work?)

And don't forget to come out and see me TONIGHT Mississippi Studios! The doors open at 7:00 and the show starts at 8:00. Come see me!
I NEED to see you. If you don't come I will make up stories about you and spread them all about the twitterverse.

Twitter with me here.

Twitter is the new Olive Garden.

This world is nutty

photo by Philip DeFalco

I arrived home from my Canada adventure to a stolen VW van and a show at Anthology. They stole my van dammit! My heart sank and I felt so sad. I loved that van as much as one can love an automobile. I had just made my last payment on it. I camped in that thing and it carried me to many a gig and never complained.

Then I got a call from The San Diego Police Department.
"Is this Steven Poltz?"
"Yes."
"This is The San Diego Police Department."
(adrenaline rush. heart beating fast. did I do something wrong lately?etc...)
"your van was reported stolen and it's about to be towed."
"yay! yikes. don't tow it. I'll be there. Hang on!"

The cops found it downtown in San Diego. They were going to tow it because it was covered in parking tickets. So when I put the key in to start it, my poor van van just sputtered and coughed and then I realized it was out of gas. The crooks ran out of gas. There were two half smoked joints in the ashtray and the air conditioning was cranked all the way up, the seat was pushed all the way forward and the radio was cranked to 11 to a spanish radio station. I think the cops found it on 4-20. Weird. Nutty.

The way I figure it, it was a couple of white supremacist militiamen trying to blame it on Mexico. It's just too obvious and in all my years of studying crime in college and from all my detective work I am positive I'll get to the bottom of it.

I'm just glad that the stoners left my van unharmed and I hope they fall down while crossing the street and twist their ankles and hobble around for the next couple of weeks.

Tonight Im driving to Ventura for a show at Zoey's Cafe. It's a 10pm show and I sure do enjoy playing at this fine venue where the owners treat me like a royal prince and bring me tea and slippers and fresh linens. I do hope to see you.

Your friend,
Steve

follow me on twitter here.

Nova Scotia scenery and an Academy Award winning performance by Steve (there will be blood)

photo by ted berberian

Hi! Being on tour with Madeleine Peyroux is fun. Tonight I'm in Kansas City. Then I'm almost home. My clothes are dirty, my eyes are baggy, I smell like a hobo and I need sleep. I think tonight will be my 30th show in a row. That's just effing stupid if you ask me. I suppose sleep isn't that important. I love watching Madeleine play guitar and sing her songs. My soul feels happy and the sky is blue. I've been geeking out on twitter. I ain't no quitter. I'm heading west for a rest. I'm like a stable pony on my way home. I feel sentimental and mental. I'm driving in a rental. I'm coming home. Home sweet home. Put my head on a pillow and dream sweet dreams. See movies and eat popcorn. Speaking of movies here's one for you of Nova Scotia and uh---- me---- imitating Daniel Day Lewis.
Au Revoir
Stevey Jo

I'm on Twitter (i don't even know my name anymore)

For what it's worth here's how you find me on twitter.

I don't know why you may want to know this, but I guess it's what all the people are doing in the fast paced world in which we live.

Last night's show was really really cool. I played in Wolfville, Nova Scotia and the people of Wolfville seem to all be organic farmers and artists. They cooked me a huge feast of fresh beets and apples and beautiful butter lettuce and pasta with a great peanut sauce and then I vomited all over the table and ate it again. It was even better the second time around. I'm like a fly or something. I should have taken a picture of it and turned it into art. I like art. It is fun.

The fabulous Coco Love Alcorn has been opening all these shows and she needs to be heard all over the world.

I'm playing another show tonight. I think I'm in Berwick, Nova Scotia now. I've played so many shows since Feb. that i don't even know my own name anymore.

I guess I'm Steve.